Deeper (5SOS Ashton Irwin Fanfic)

Chapter 4

Lily’s POV:  

“Self-harm & Depression. That is your guys’ topic”  

What?  

What?  

Did he just say what I thought he said?  

“Eh-excuse me sir?” I ask, barely able to make a coherent sentence. I look over at Ashton, who’s staring at the black board behind Mr. Poyer’s head with the same look I’m sure I have: horror.  

“Yes, you heard me correctly. Now,” he lowers his voice a bit so he’s not shouting it to the class.  

“I know this topic is very fragile, I’m fully aware. But, the only restrictions I’m giving you are no. Graphic. Pictures. You can have pictures in your slide show, just make sure they aren’t too… terrifying. I’m counting on you guys to make this a great project, okay?” he confirms. I nod my head slowly, beginning to recover from the initial shock. Is this even legal? This definitely isn’t school appropriate in my opinion. What if we offend someone in class? We could either ace the project & touch the whole class or fail the project & discriminate the whole class. There’s no in between.  

Mr. Poyer dismisses us & I walk back to my seat. After I sit down, Ashton does right after me. I study him as he puts his face in his hands & shakes it slowly. Fingers run through his hair in despair, as if someones told him his brother died & he’s trying not to react.  

& I thought I took the project news hard.  

The rest of the class goes by normally, & we are told the project is due next week & that we will have to do work with our partner outside of class. The bell rings & I decide I must get Ashton’s number in order to do well on this assignment.  

He gets up quickly & practically runs out of the door. I roll my eyes & follow him.   “Ashton! Ashton!” I shout. He turns around & accidentally meets my eyes. He stops & waits for me, but his eyes drop down again. I catch up to him & pull out my iPhone.  

“Since we’re going to have to be doing work outside of class together, do you think maybe I could get your number so we can plan out who’s house to go to or if we need to stay after school?” he looks up again, but not at me. Just at something behind me. God, this boy is not going to be a good partner if I can’t even get him to look at me.  

“Um, sure. Do you - uh - think w-we could do it at your house?” Ashton tries. I hand him my phone as he types in his cell number. Once he gives it back, I smile at him & try to make eye contact. No luck. Goddamit.  

“Yeah, that’s fine. Can I ask why though?” he shifts his weight between his feet a few times, obviously uncomfortable. Twiddling his thumbs, he answers.  

“I - um, kinda don’t really have a computer at home,” Ashton practically whispers to me, embarrassed out of his mind.   

I try my hardest not to let my jaw drop to the ground & react normally. I regain my composure & put on a good fake smile.  

“Alright, sounds good. I’ll - uh - text you then, yeah?” he nods his head, curls flopping around. I keep my smile until I turn around & walk away, then I sigh long hard.  

Not only do I have a shitty topic, I have a shitty partner also. Oh well, at least I get to stare at him.  

Ashton’s POV:   

This cannot be happening.  

A million thoughts were racing through my mind as Mr. Poyer talked to us about the project. I couldn’t focus on anything but the fact that this was our topic to be researched. Out of all things.  

It’s not that I didn’t know things about this, it’s just that I’d rather not present it in slide show form in front of the whole class with a girl that drives me sexually insane.  

I get home & plop on the floor next to Alice. We chat a bit about some guy who got paint on her shirt in art class. But, in the middle of our conversation, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I fish it out to find a text from Lily:    

hey ash, it’s lily. it’s cool if i call you that, right?    

I smile lightly & respond to her:    

ya, it’s okay.    

I never said I was good at text conversation either.  

I put my phone back into my pocket to find a very confused & shocked looking Alice staring at me.   “Ashton, who texted you & was it by any chance a female?” she asks slowly. I look down & play with my bracelets.  

“Er, yeah. Her names Lily, & we’re working on a project together” I try. Alice nods her head still not convinced. She asks 20 questions on her, & I answer every one to the best of my knowledge. I’m also slightly worried about how much I know about her.  

“Well, as long as you don’t get her pregnant,” she begins. I gasp & playfully hit my sister in the arm, giggles erupting from her. Times like these are ones that I cherish, where we’re messing around & not giving two shits about how awful our lives are.  

I get up & go to my room, happier than I have been since God knows when. There’s no pit deep in my stomach & no horrid thoughts invading my head.  

Lily responds:    

alrighty (: you can call me lil if ya want, it doesn’t really matter. but anywho today is thursday & since the project is due tuesday, you want to work on it at my house saturday? my dads away on business & my mom is taking a weekend getaway, so it’ll just be us.    

My breath catches in my throat. Me & Lily. Lily & I. At her house. No parents. Alone.  

I take a minute & shut my eyes & daydream. About if I was normal. If I could have a conversation with her. Us at her house, researching this dreaded topic. I could be lit on fire & still be happy to be in the same room as her.  

After 10 minutes of pure bliss, I respond:    

yeah, sounds good. what’s your address?    

She responds almost immediately with her address. She also says she isn’t looking forward to the topic. I say I agree, & leave it at that.  

I go to bed that night wondering what her room looks like. If its upstairs or downstairs. If it’s purple or pink or orange or yellow. If she has a window. If she has a desk she sits at. If her closet is as big as my entire room. What her closet consists of. Everything.  

Lily Harlamert is my last awaking thought.