JUN

Thursday

"I think it's time you let go of your 7th grade crush on Rose." Eva turned the corner and drove down the street to my apartment.

"I can't, I just can't let go."

"Well, Jun! She doesn't even know you guys went to the same school! She just now started to notice you." She replied exasperated. Deep inside I knew she wanted the best for me, but another side of me knew she was being selfish. All Eva wanted was for me to love her as much as I love the person who doesn't even know I exist. But after all I put Eva through I wouldn't be surprised if she said I didn't have the right to be happy.

"Eva, let's not go there please..." I sighed in annoyance. The car stayed quiet for the rest of the ride.

Eva confessed to me freshman year of high school, but my heart was set on someone else. I rejected her feelings and told her that it would pass. We became friends and all was fine, or so I thought. Sophomore year of high school, she begged me to give her a chance, she promised to help me let go of my one sided crush. I didn't want to make things awkward with her, since she was my only friend at the time, and we had been friends since 4th grade. So, I said yes.

That was the biggest mistake, I had ever made.

We did everything a couple would do.

We went on dates, cuddled and even had our first time with each other. That's when I started to get scared. Every time she said I love you, it made me feel like shit because I just couldn't say it back. I had in some way been using her, and making her believe that I felt the same way she did. So junior year of high school, I broke it off. I just couldn't take it any longer. The whole point of dating someone is to love and be loved, but when it's a one way road, either side could be hurting.

Eva cried, and told me she was happy just having me by her side, that she didn't need me to love her. I knew all of that to be a lie. No one in this earth would give love to not be given the same amount back. And that is what I owe Eva, I owe her love.

I didn't love her when we first kissed,

I didn't love her when she was sick,

I didn't love her when she gave herself to me.

I remember the days when she had to take anti-depressants and the days she missed school. Even though she never said anything and acted like everything was alright, I knew she cried herself to sleep every night. It was all because of an asshole like me. I broke this girl, and I can only fix her with my friendship. I couldn't give her the love she deserved, and I still can't.

Although, I love Rose, I don't think I deserve her. I don't think I deserve to love anyone, not after hurting Eva to the point of almost killing herself. I don't want the past to repeat itself. Yet, it is because of me that Rose is going through this hell...

"Come on let's go for some coffee." I got off the car and allowed time for her to follow. I came to this cafe very often. Eva liked the Americano they made here, so usually we would come over, and on rare occasions I would treat.

We waited for a while in line and Eva started talking, "Hey, Jun? I want to tell you something..."

"Yeah, what is it." I encouraged her to continue but it seemed like it was something serious because she was having a hard time telling me.

"I-"

"Hey Jun!" Interrupted a very familiar, voice from behind me. I turned around a bit surprised to see Rose actually call out to me. She was waving excitedly at me, and I returned the wave with an unconscious smile...