Perfect Strangers

Rooftop

Rapmon's P.O.V.
 

BUT-

"But what Namjoon, but what" questioned Jin hyung clearly done with my shit.

"Sorry"

"Let's end this endeavor right here,I have some work and this conversation clearly isn't going anywhere" exclaimed Pd-nim to which I mentally cheered.

Since, I wasn't paying much attention to the words my hyungs,dongsaengs and our respected Pd-nim were saying they decided it was best to call the meeting off. I'm  glad they did which resulted to the position I'm in right now.

Here, I stand on the rooftop with nothing much, just me and my thoughts surrounded by awkward  silence yet at the same time pleasing ,I don't think if that makes sense or not but to me this thought entertains a lot.I don't even know what am I thinking about at this specific moment. Pathetic, Isn't it?

At the moment I'm fighting a battle in which the rival or attacker is me, the governing or defending party is also me, to put in straight words it's a battle between my heart and my mind. Victory of either one means the loss of my other half. At the end it's me who would have to face  the defeat.

Maybe, just random thoughts isn't the right word for the things I'm feeling right now. I think it's conscience, yes it's conscience .If I'm right conscience means motivation derived logically  from one's ethics or principles that governs one's thoughts or actions or in other words moral values. My conscience says I shouldn't feel guilty because I did nothing wrong but a little part of me says I should apologize to the world. Whatever, I call it, random thoughts or conscience, it's tormenting me, making me sick with every passing second. These days, seconds feel like hours, hours feels like days making days look like years. It's getting harder and harder for me to survive in this cold world. I feel like someone is stopping the much needed oxygen from reaching my lungs with their hands.

I'm trapped between the clutches.
The clutches being the society, anxiety, depression, pressure and anything and everything that's making me weak. I'm gradually losing my will to survive. Somewhere  between trying to be relevant in this society, I lost my own relevance.

I know I did nothing wrong, my team knows I did nothing wrong, my company knows I did nothing wrong but what about rest of the world?

For them, I'm just a pathetic guy who steals people's work to survive in this bleak entertainment industry, the best excuse of a walking loser to ever exist on this planet.

"Did I never do a single thing right in my entire life?"

"Am I really a pathetic excuse of a human being?"

"Am I really that bad?"

"Should I just quit?"

"Was  I even worth it?"

"What if I disappear right now... maybe fly away to another part of the world, nobody would notice right?"

These were the questions I was asking myself when a voice interrupted my thoughts.

It was none other then Min yoongi

"What are you doing here?" he asked. I already know he knew the answer but still it's his way to strike a conversation with me whenever I'm like this.

"Umm, well nothing much as you can see I'm just enjoying this pleasant whether," I replied nonchalantly.

"I see, only Kim Namjoon can consider calling bright sun resulting in scorching heat as a pleasant whether.I like the way you think, dumbass. Now jokes apart tell me what's wrong?
Don't you trust your hyung?"