My last moments

What started it all......

     So one afternoon in late October to be exact it was the 25 very close to Halloween and im older so I was not gonna go trick or treating but my parents said I sould but I didn't want to since my big time crush lives right by me and we never talk so im guessing he will be going with his friends around our neighborhood.  Im in college right now and im in class learning about how to fry food I have obviously not been in college long so im learning the obvious things to know how to make fried food for carnivals.  Ringgg the bell rang for fifth period and im going to algebra I hate algebra I struggle with it x times sc times fd= WHAT this test is so hard I bet I get a D on it oh well I came here to learn how to cook not learn more math. Its the end of the day now and im walking home and I just seen Alex oh my gosh he is so cute I would marry him if I could well he doesn't even know I exist I don't think...  I was walking and he stopped to tie his shoe and  I walked past him and he said my name and I turned and fell over my shoelaces  my knee was bleeding because I had ripped jeans on and cut my knee and  the blood was dripping down my knee all I did as wince he asked me if I was ok I said yep and  he said I wanted to know if you can help me with my homework its really hard by the way hes 16 and in 12th grade and hes gonna go to my college and of course I said sure....

 So Alex came over and my dad and mom were like go Dezray you got a boyfriend and I said leave me alone hes not my boyfriend and my dad  coughed "not yet" I blushed  he just stood there I said lets go to my room and he ok  when we went in the room I said what do you need help with he said my science and I said ok grab it out an hour later we were almost done and he said thanks. We joked around for a bit then we looked into each others eyes and  I honestly thought he was gonna kiss me so I leaned in and he stood up and I almost feel over in embarrassment and he said ok thanks for the help Dezray I will see you tomorrow I said yep anytime. So later that night I went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife out of the kitchen I sould really get a pocket knife it would be much easier and went up to my room my mom seen me and said honey are you ok and I said yep im fine mom and she ok sweetie dinner will be in an hour I said ok I sat on my bed and took the blade and slid it across my wrist not t hard I don't want to cut my main vein and bleed out  not yet at least and the blood started showing it didn't hurt because im use to it in my head I thought im so emo how could anybody like me im to weird nobody understands me as all the thoughts and depression went thought my head I pushed down harder . 5 blood lines later blood streamed down my arm  I cried because of what I was thinking of .

My mom yelled down dinners done and so I  put on a sweater to cover up the lines of blood I had just marked on my body and ran downstairs. and grabbed a plate of spaghetti  and started eating weirdly fast like I was starving I didn't really talk much. After that I went back upstairs  and I went to sleep well got dressed and took off all my black makeup and laid down. At 2 A.M I woke up  from a horrible stomach and head ache and went down stairs to grab some advil and then went back to sleep up stairs im even more tired now then I was when I went to sleep I feel like I didn't get any sleep at all but I went to sleep at 10  P.M  it just does not make any since to me whatever I guess ill go back to sleep so I laid down and tried to fall asleep I fell asleep at 3 A.M luckily my classes start at 1 P.M I guess that gives me more time to sleep.