Holding on and letting go...

John...

"I love you Aron, I love you!" I was just too dumb to say that to him. He was all about good-looking and apparence. Not my type, not my style. Are you asking yourself what kind of a person I am? Well, this happened one year ago, while I still lived in New York. I know, I was a jurk and so silly to leave New York for Georgia, but really, my life sucked. So we moved here with my parents and my whole family. My grandparents, my aunt, my uncles, everyone. I was going to start a whole new life here, live it up and never look back. Don't be good at all, be bad, love guys and do all these things usual people do. I have a little brother, we don't have a special relationship , he is in his way, I'm on mine. Just, I need to have some fun in this life and do things I never thought I would! Today is my first day of school. I don't need to be careful and I won't show my feelings. I won't be like the people who do bad things to others to hurt them, I just need a fresh start, and I will have it. Everything will be fun and every dream come true. I am a feelingless person for now.  I wore skinny jeans, black, leathered. I wore a white blouse, it was cute and showed my body. I have pretty perfect lines and I wanted to show them. I wore my black and white sneakers and left my hair hanging straight. "MOM!" I shouted. "I'm leaving to school!" I was running downstairs because I didn't want her to answer. I was running from the answer, I didn't want her to say the thing she was thinking to say. But the answer came.
"Take your brother with you! It's his first day, he can't go alone!" Mum came downstairs with my silly 12 year old brother, Mathew. I saw Matt with a daring look.
"Not today mom, it's not the day for negotiating."I said, opening the door while I heard someone close the door with a really loud noise.
"MATT!" Mom shouted. "You take care of this, I am going back to my room, to clear my thoughts of you and your clever mind!" Mum said leaving the living room and went upstairs. Matt's room was downstairs. I knocked on his room loud enough.
"I'm late Matt! If you want to go to school, come on, if you don't, than stay there." I was hoping he would say he didn't want to come. He opened his door, Matt, even though he was 12 , and trying not to show his feelings, he felt so much and he was angry because it was my decision to leave town. He had many friends there, and a girlfriend . So he was all about shouting and being angry with me for now.
"You know how much you mean to me? Nothing." He smiled. He was bad, i wanted to be like him.
"I know." I smiled too, closed the door and we both left to school. Everybody was seeing us with suspicious looks. First, I left Matt in his classroom, than I went in my classroom. There were many students in there. A girl came in front of my face.
"Name. Age. Birthday." She smirked.
"Amara. 16. 13th September." I smirked back.
"I am Etna. This class is in my hands." She smiled. This was my time to bebad. Everybody was looking at us, we were in the middle of attention. I needed to be bad and everybody would clap for me. Or I would agree and everybody would become dissapointed.
"You don't look like you can have anything in your hands. Unless you count your *cough* you know what I mean." Smirks. I was suddenly feeling bad for what I did , but everybody was clapping. I had support for being strong. I am strong. But between the guys who were clapping, I saw someone who wasn't. He was just looking into my eyes, deeply, saying nothing. After one second, he turned his back and started walking. I found myself in the middle of people and no one let me see where he went. He was just...I don't know. Everybody was leaving after some minutes of fame and I went to the literature class. The teacher was a tall guy, with glasses.
"So, we got a new classmate everybody!" The teacher was smiling at me. I realised I had to say who I was.
"I am Amara. I am 16." I smiled.
"And...who are you Amara?" He smiled back.
"I am just a normal girl , from a normal city and normal parents. I got a normal personality, normal home. My life is mostly normal, with it's own super things. You know, as every other teenager in town. In world." I was smiling and almost everybody was smiling in the class. Even the guy was smiling.
"You seem a normal strudent, I hope you read anything from your lessons."
"Mostly, I do." I smiled and the teacher smiled too.
"I am mr.Leo, your literature teacher. And I guess you should sit...."He was thinking of where to sit. No seat was free. "Maybe Amelia can move from there and she can go in the other class, she may find a seat there." He said smiling. I was waiting to see Amelia , but I figured out soon enoguh who she was. How? Well, the guy, slapped his head when he heard the teacher. I didn't get it! Everybody LOVED me, and the only one I cared for, didn't even want to look at me? I sat next to him. He didn't say anything. After teh bell rang and the lesson was over, I blocked his path to move from that class.
"What are you doing? Get out of my road!" He shouted.
"I just don't get it! What have I done to you?" I shouted too.
"You are just like everybody in this school , that's what you have done!" He said shouting.
"But yet, you talk with them!" I was shouting too.
"Why do you care anyway? Everybody is here for you, and you care for me?" He smirked.
"Let me tell you one thing." I went close to his ear. "I don't care about anyone." I smirked back and left from the class. He smiled. Gently this time. Why was he smiling? While thinking, my phone rang. I took it out from my pocket.
( J-JOHN ; A-AMARA )
A-John.
J-Amara, my perfect little girl.
A-Just stop.
J-I just missed you so much!
A-SO WHAT?
J-So I am in Georgia.
A-WHAT?!
J-I am right behind you.
"What? Go away! We're done! Leave me alone! " I was running away from him and I just pushed the guy so hard that I fell on the floor. Everybody gathered.
"What did you just do to my Amara, you guy?" John shouted to the guy.
"My name is John. And I didn't do anything to your Barbie doll. She was moving and she pushed me hard enough so she fell down for herself. I bet she had fun." Everybody clapped. John punched him.
"Wait a second! John, stop fighting. Dammit! Can't you just let it go for a second? I don't even know this guy, and as for you John, I'm not his Barbie doll. I'm no one's Barbie doll, and I will never be his." John was about to cry and my heart was about to melt. John was bleeding. "Just stop it Aron, ok? It's not everything about crying and good-looking, people have feelings and love and...you know? Feel for once. Than let me be yours." Everybody clapped again. "And this whole clapping thing is starting to annoy me, can you just stop it?" Everybody was looking at my body while I left. I seemed strong, but I wasn't. I closed myself into a bathroom until I had to get Matt home. I asked his teacher for him, but he already had left with mom, so I had a walk in the woods. I found Aron there. He was angry and when he saw me, he slapped me.
"Thsi is for that show over there." He slapped me again."This one is for not loving me." He puched me. "And this one is to feel scared of me." He was about to puch again,but John , who was driving calmly saw him and took me in his car.
"That guy never learns, does he?And I see you have feelings too after all." My whole body was shaking and I wasn't in mind. I was bleeding and I was scared.
"Doesn't everybody have feelings? Some people just try to hide them and they want to be anonymously bad.
"What's your story, girl?" John looked at me hopefully.
"I don't have a story ,John. I just feel way more than I can handle. I just feel to much that I want to shout and be bad and do bad things. Be bad, you know?" I was still crying, but he burst in laughter.
"You acn not be bad if you still feel this much. Listen to me girl! Start it this way :get out of this car, don't think of me, and for whatever anybody thinks or feels." He said really serious. "Oh, and, don't cry." He said and opened my door. I left without saying a word, but I was about to cry. Why was he doing this? I cared about him, and I showed it to him. Why didn't he care about me? I got a perfect body and he doesn't even care! I started crying once he left from the road. I sat down in a bench alone, crying. While I saw someone. In that dark side of the road I saw John walking towards me. I tried to dry my tears while he sat down close to me.
"You see? You can't do it. You feel too much and you care too much."He tried to dry my tears with his hand. "You know,  if you stop crying we can talk much easier." He took my hand. "Nothing is impossible. Impossible only means you haven't found a solution yet, but you will find one." He saw me deeply.
"I can't take it anymore,John, I am alone. In this road I am totally alone." I cried even harder.
"I can't understand life. People like us, well-built, sexy, hot and whatever good thing are alway alone and single. It has to be illegal." He smiled and dried my tears. He is single? WOW. Just WOW. "Why do you look so surprised?"
"Nothing...I mean...how can you be single, your abbs are...well WOW." I started laughing and he was laughing too.
"Let me take you home, " He said smiling and touched my hand. I don't know why we were moving head to head, but it felt so comfortable. I knew it was more than just a little help, I knew he felt more and that he would tell me. If not now, tomorrow, or maybe, after tomorrow.  I was scared of him, because maybe, just maybe, I may brake him in pieces. I know it will be hard for him. But I didn't feel the same as he did.