Might this be true? *A Brallon fanfic*

CHAPTER 12

Dallon's POV - two days later (Monday)

Yesterday was quite a good show. I never say that. Really I never do. But somehow, Brendon made me feel a little less insecure tonight and I actually enjoyed it. He also decided to add 'Small Cuts' to our setlist, which kinda scares me, but also is a very kind gesture of him.

There's still a problem, though. I haven't been feeling awful the last few days, but I have been feeling confused. 
First thing was the kiss last Friday. I didn't kiss back and I told him why. The thing is: I do like him, or at least I think so. I just couldn't kiss back at that very moment.

Then at dinner yesterday Bren was trying to calm me down, 'cause I was a little stressed, but his affection only made me feel weak in the knees. Well, if all of this wasn't enough; we did decide not to quit with the stage-gay, because it's just something fun, but it drives me completely nuts. I kinda like the things we do, but because I still want to clear my mind and put everything the right way, I need that bit of space.

We were in London today. Tonight we would be playing a show here and tomorrow we're playing somewhere else in England. We planned on going to a small fare close to our concert venue. That way, we could relax and eat something before soundcheck and of course tonight's show.

Brendon's POV

"This fare is sick!" I yelled. Dan and Kenneth were laughing off their asses at my enthusiasm. "How are you so happy? This thing has got like one rollercoaster, a ferris wheel, a merry-go-round and a few stalls with fast food?!" Dan said. I rolled my eyes: "That's the whole point. It gives me nice vibes; it's so aesthetic and vintage."

"What about we eat something?" Kenny asked after walking around for a few minutes. I looked up at him when I heard the word food. "Sure, what about Dutch Doughnuts? We haven't had the chance to try those in Amsterdam and I heard they're delicious." Dallon said.

"Dutch Doughnuts it is!" I was hungry, okay? Every human should act this freaky when it's hungry.

"Oh, this is so good!" Dan and Dallon said at the same time, almost moaning at how good their food tasted. I giggled; making Dallon blush. 
"Want to try a bite of mine? It's got chocolate inside." I said, winking. Yes, Dallon had asked me to give him space, but I couldn't help my feelings and I don't see the problem in sharing some food.

"Oh, uhm.. yeah, sure." he said. Before he could even reach out for my fork I grabbed it and carefully shoved a bite in his mouth. He reacted surprised at being fed, but then just released from the fork, probably realizing it was in his mouth for an awkwardly long time.

Dallon's POV

"How about we take a ride in the ferris wheel?" Brendon asked with pleading eyes. "I'd like that, yes. Are you guys joining us?" I asked Dan and Kenneth. 
"Nah, I'm more up to something exciting. Wanna join me on the rollercoaster, Dan?" he asked, and off they were.

We sat on the ferris wheel, pressed just a little too close to each other. If all this wasn't enough, Brendon looked incredibly adorable today. He was wearing his glasses, because he was tired and apparently he needs them when he is. He says he doesn't like his glasses, but he looks so cute in them. 
Oh, gosh, brain... Can't you focus on being in the now for a second? Now is not the time to adore Bren. Start a conversation or something.

"I actually don't like heights." I said to Brendon. "Oh. Why didn't you tell me? We could've just walked around for another while." Bren said worried. I smiled: "Nah, it's fine. I know you really wanted to do this." 
"Thanks, Dally. I just wanted to relax for a bit, without Kenneth and Dan. They're awesome, but they can get a little exhausting at times. Don't laugh at me for saying this; I know I'm the exhaustion itself." he added.

"Yeah, but I like your kind of exhausting more." I winked.

Suddenly our ride stopped, about 5 meters from the ground. Hurray: we were stuck in here.
Maybe it wasn't the greatest idea I've ever had, but I started thinking; since there wasn't much more to do at the moment. 
This time, I wasn't filling my brain with negative thoughts; I was filling them with love. I was thinking about how I really liked Brendon; his eyes, his jawline, his torso, his hair, how tiny his ears were and how huge is forehead was, but also how I loved his enthusiasm, his voice, his creativity and how much he cared about everyone.

All of a sudden, I wanted to tell him I do actually like him. He was worth knowing, and I was sure it was true.
"Bren?" I asked. "Yeah?" "There's something I'd like to tell you." I said. He turned to me and looked at me with full interest.
"I think I- no, by rights I should say I'm sure by now, that I.." and then we started moving again.
Brendon cheered: "Finally!! I loved being there with you, but I was going crazy sitting there forever. Ahhh, the safe ground under my feet." 
Fuck.. My chance to tell him totally got spoiled.


Brendon's POV

Everything felt weird this show. Well, not everything: nothing in the singing went wrong and the others were playing really well too. Y'know to be honest, there was only one weird feeling thing, but that just annoyed me so bad... 
It was the connection between Dallon and I. Every time I tried something he went with it and he even came to me once to act a little crazy, because we had talked about it and we were both still okay with it. Now what bothered me, was that every little thing we did, felt weird. 
Maybe it's because I allow my feelings to be present since I sorta told Dallon, maybe it's because he did not reject me completely at that moment. But I just feel so much at those moments and it does feel real and I don't think I'm playing this gay-thing anymore, but I can't tell him, 'cause he asked me to give him some time. 
He also gives in whenever I do something, but I can't look through him. Of course I know I should give him the space he needs, but can't I do something sweet, away from the gay stuff? Yeah, I think I can.

We're getting near the end of our show, the moment where we play 'Small Cuts'. It's so beautiful yet so sad how he puts such a huge amount of passion in that song. 


Goodnight,

Sleep tight,

Don't let anyone bite you.

She will leave you deaf and bewildered.

Oh how she floats like a butterfly,

Stings like a killer.

As we sing the second verse, I walk over to him. His voice is a little shaky, not enough for the crowd to hear, but I can see it's upsetting him. I start singing along a tiny bit louder, so I cover his shaking without being too obvious. 
I get a very sudden idea to help him. If only this will work, I think: maybe if I try to comfort him, he'll just get more scared. Let's just hope he understands all I want to do is show that I care.

Since he's not playing bass for this song - only Kenneth and Dan are playing - I grab his hands. I let go of one and trace my fingers over his arms. Since he knows I understand the meaning of this song, he smiles at me and I'm sure he means it this time.

I put his hand on my chest, right on my heart and do the same with my hand on his chest. Just as the song ends I say: "See, we're alive. Let's fucking feel alive too." I didn't say it through my microphone so the audience couldn't hear, but Dal is crying his eyes out and mumbles a 'for hell's sake, you're amazing, Bren.'

Man, I love this guy.