life after her.

Chapter 4: Life After Her.

It was around 8 when I decided to get up, the sun was up and beaming and my head was pounding. I didn't sleep at all last night, all I could think about was why she left, where did she disappear to. I got up from the bed and wandered to the kitchen; in need of some Tylenol.

I reached up into the medicine cabinet and grabbed the small pill bottle, taking out two tablets. I poured up some water and gulped them down.

Really bored, I took a random book from the shelf in the living room and sat down on the couch. The book was a pistachio green color and there was a ribbon marking a page. I started on the first page, 'July 17 2016.' it read.

Sierra's diary, I thought. Sierra always kept a diary, she said that she liked to keep one because at the end of the day she could write down all the things that happened that day; so she wouldn't forget the memories.

I kept reading; intrigued, 'Dear Diary.' She started off with, 'Today was a wonderful day, this morning Asher brought me breakfast-in-bed; like he always does every Saturday morning. He made me bacon and eggs with my all known favorite, smiley fries and coffee. We talked for a while about our plans for the day and what we would have that night for dinner, but the best part about that morning was the exciting news that I still had yet to tell Asher; the thought scared me a bit, but I told him. He was a little mindless at first, staring at me as if I had two heads, but then he was ecstatic, jumping up and.'

I flipped the page over and continued reading, each word pulling at my heart. 'down, spinning me around and kissing my whole face over and over and over again. "We're gonna have a baby!" He would yell. The sight made me smile, think about all the happy times I would have with him before and after the baby was born. Asher is the love of my life, and now; so is this little baby growing day-by-day in my stomach.'

I wiped my face with the back my hand, noticing wetness as I pulled away. I was crying and I didn't even know, The pain of not having her with me was excruciating, unbearable even. About to turn to the next page I was abruptly interrupted by May's loud, ear-piercing screams.

I lifted myself off the couch and sauntered to May's room, blinking to hold back the tears. I lifted May out of her crib and comforted her in my arms making her cozy. I picked up her elephant baby blanket and draped it over top of her, rubbing her tummy to sooth her.

I strode to a large, cream coloured armchair in the corner of the room and sat down, placing May on my lap. I played with her little feet as she stared at the ceiling. I took a long, shaky breath and then spoke. "Your mom was beautiful, May." I spoke in a soft, whisper.

"She was smart; kind, she would always put other before herself." I closed my eyes and looked up, then back down at May with a ghost of a smile. "She was such a bright and bubbly person who I had the great pleasure of knowing. "She would have loved you so much May; so much, she would adore that little giggle you make and how little your toes are; everything about you she would absolutely love!"

By now the tears were out, I couldn't keep it together. "She was my first crush, first girlfriend, first wife, first love." I stumbled on my words. "She was my whole life." May wrapped her small hand around my finger and tilted her head to the side, confused; knowing none of what I was saying. I stared into her eyes, "we're gonna be okay." I said, more to myself.

For the rest of the day May and I sat there in the armchair, me; thinking about the life to come, how I would get by with or her, but then I thought, she's still with us, in our hearts; still looking at us from up above. This is just the life after her and we're gonna get by.