The playful children, the sweet smelling flowers and the cuddly animals which usually delighted her, made her resentment grow today.Her resentment that they were happy. Her fist was aching to hit someone. Which made her all the more annoyed with herself. She prided herself in not being a violent person like her father. But now..........
She didn't like the way she felt. Along with the urge to kill someone there was also a pain so big that it felt like it was tearing her insides, making her think that the pain could not get any worse than that second. But the pain seemed to be growing every milli second.
She was walking in a trance, not caring where she went, but when she did become aware of her surroundings, she was not surprised to find herself standing in front of the iron gates of the graveyard. Without thinking, she pushed open the gate and rushed inside and ran towards the particular tombstone that read
ALLAN MONTGOMERY
Beloved son of Jake and Susan Montgomery
Born on 13th April 1982
Died on 24th January 2008
His resting place, where he'll be resting peacefully for the rest of his life. Life??? Right. He has got no life. That was the problem, he was dead. Oh God, why did he have to die? NO better yet, why did he have to love her and make her love him before he died?
Life had been better before she had met him. Sure, she had rarely laughed, rarely cried, but she had at leat been safe inside the walls she had built for herself. But no he couldn't leave her alone, he had to come into her life bringing laughter and happiness and a sense of belonging with him.
WHY???? She would have been better if he had not made her feel all those emotions. She had learnt long ago that trusting someone did nothing but hurt them. Wasn't that the first and only lesson she had learnt from her mother right before she had abandoned her? But then she had turned out to be a bigger fool than her father.
How could anyone not fall in love with Allan, she wondered. With his ever present smile and his Knight in Shining amour attitude, no girl could have protected her heart. He had destroyed all of her walls brick by brick, and in their place he had brought a castle of dreams and hope. Now... everything was gone... leaving nothing but emptiness inside her. She knew that she had survived eighteen years without him and it should have been easy to just get on with her life after a suitable mourning period. That's the way life was. Her head knew this. But for some reason, her heart just refuses to go past the words, "HE'S DEAD, HE'LL NEVER SMILE AT ME AGAIN"
Maybe she would have moved on with her life if he was just a persons in her life. But he was the ONE person in her life to show her what love means. She never had any friends. He was the one and only friend she had. Now he's gone too. Tears streaked down her her as she trembled all over.
Then she understood what he once used to say. The pain was the payment one has to pay for all those happy memories. The balance of things. One can never be happy for a very long time unless of course if they had already paid the pain in advance or else the payment will be received later of course. For no one can escape the eyes of God. Plus and Minus, Heaven and Hell.
But she had had enough. She knew Allan would be disappointed in her, but she did not care. He had dared to loose his life and break all the promises he had made to her. So he was in no position to pass any judgements on her.
Then she took a small kitchen knife from her coat's inner pocket and made a precise cut on her left wrist, she didn't even flinch against the pain, or think about the Hippocratus oath she had broken. She dropped the knife down and laid her head on the tombstone and said,
" I don't want to pay for something I never got to experience. I want this pain to go away"
Tears mixed with the blood, both her own, and it wasn't long before she was found by Susan Montgomery, the woman who had thought she was not good enough to be even in the same room with her son.
She learned two things that day.... why her son was in love with that girl, and that she was wrong. She made sure that the girl her son wanted to marry was buried right next to her,
