Love you to death - J. Jaehyun

<1>

"Hurry up Jiyoung! The van is here we have to go!" I hear my dad say from downstairs.

I wipe a tear that I didn't know had fallen and take one last look around me. I look at my now empty room. A room that I'll never set foot in again.

I grab my bag and walk to the bathroom to make sure I didn't forget anything since it's the only room I haven't checked. I stop in front of the mirror and stare at my reflection.

"You look horrible" I tell myself.

I'm wearing an oversized gray hoodie and black leggings. My hair is in a messy bun, not the cute kind of messy buns, the kind that you have after you wake up from a long ass nap. The kind of nap you took by accident and woke up not knowing what year it is. You know, that kinda bun.

I get out of the room and walk downstairs. My dad is already outside. I walk to the door slowly and look at the house one last time.

It's been a month now since my mom's and brother's death. I still feel depressed at times but I try to take my mind off of it by reading books or spending my time on the internet. I'm homeschooled so I don't really have any friends, which made it even harder to get over their death. But I mean, I don't think I'll ever be able to actually get over it. We were a really close family, my brother was my best friend and my mom my confident. I never really knew how to express my feelings though, and now that I think about it, I don't remember the last time I told them how much I loved them... I just hope they knew... I just feel guilty for whatever reason, trying to get over them has just been impossible.

My dad hasn't been really helping either. He was swallowed in his own pain and all he talked about was how we needed to get out of this house and start a new life. Which is what is happening right now.

I don't know how many times I've stopped myself from telling him that a new house or a new town would never erase them from our memories. The project took his mind off of them, which was good, I guess...

I didn't realize I was crying until my dad pointed it out once I arrived to the van.

"Don't worry Ji, it'll get better once we get out of here" he said as he gave me a quick hug.

"A new house won't erase them dad" I mumbled under my breath.

"What was that? I didn't hear you"

"Nothing" I shake my head as I get into the van.

He sits in the driver's seat and starts driving silently.

I look out the window as we drive through the town that I might never see again. Who knows, maybe I'll actually like it there.

I close my eyes knowing that it'll be a long ass ride to get there, might as well sleep.

-<> - <> - <>-

I wake up from the car stopping suddenly. I look outside and see that we're in front of an apartment building.
I've actually never seen our new house. Well, apparently it's not even a house, it's an apartment...

"I thought we wouldn't need a big house since we're only two" my dad said as if he read my mind.

I hum in response. I open the door and walk out. It's quite hot outside, I feel some beads of sweat rolling down my back.

"Come on Jiyoung. We have a lot to unpack and it's quite late already"

He's right, it's 8pm already... I don't know why he decided to move so late in the afternoon, I actually have to go to school tomorrow. I shiver at the thought. I haven't set foot in a school in years, I don't remember how everything works there, plus, I'm socially awkward, good luck making friends Jiyoung!

I help my dad bring boxes inside. They're not that heavy. I empty the van, working faster than my dad.

Our furniture is already inside the house, we sent it here two days ago, meaning I actually slept on the floor for two nights, resulting in me having an uncomfortable back ache. Lifting all those boxes, even if they weren't that heavy, didn't help.

I glare at my dad, who was basically watching me instead of helping, and walk inside the apartment.

The apartment is on the first floor luckily, so I didn't have to walk up and down the stairs carrying our stuff. I go to my room, closing the door behind me, and start unpacking.

After unpacking most of my stuff, I get to my souvenir box. I hesitate before opening it. I already feel my hands shaking. I packed that box a month ago. Two days after their death. Seeing all these things hanging around my room was making me too sad so I decided to put them away hoping it'd help. I haven't opened that box ever since... And I won't open it tonight either.

I push the box away. I lay on my bed and look at my phone. It's 11pm... Time flew by quite fast. I get up and go to the bathroom to take a shower. I know waking up won't be easy tomorrow and I probably won't have time to take it in the morning and I don't want to stink on my first day at school.

I put my speaker by the shower and play whatever music is on my phone. Music helps me not thinking too much. I hate that I feel so depressed all the time. I hope that school will help me.
Making some friends would be nice and I wouldn't feel so alone anymore.

After my shower, I jump on the bed and fall asleep almost instantly.

I just hope that "new life" my dad wants, will actually bring something positive in my life that's been practically over for the past few weeks.

____________________

So I decided to start this new ff.. Usually I wouldn't start uploading before I have at least like 3 chapters written but I thought why not. :)

Not much happened in this chapter since it was only the first. She is going to meet NCT in the next chapter though!

Please tell me what you thought about it :/ it really helps with my motivation