Love Lines

9: Funeral Flowers

Chapter Nine

The sunlight broke through the leaves of the trees as I looked up. I was sitting on the swing set in my backyard, digging at the dirt divot with the toe of my Mary Jane's. I would only wear those shoes once and then I would throw them in the back of my closet and forget they existed. My mother had picked them out for me, same with the velvet black dress I was in. Cecil's mother had to come over to make sure I was presentable and ready to go since my father and uncle were busy dealing with the last couple details of my mother's funeral. She'd only put my hair up halfway, a mistake my mother never would've made. My mother knew my hair would be too thick and I would be sweating bullets minutes after I stepped outside. But I didn't correct Mrs. McCourt. She tied my corn silk blond locks up with a black ribbon and let me go. She was only trying to help and I couldn't fault her for that. All the ladies from my mother's church were doing the same thing. They apparently didn't think my father could feed us since they all brought over casserole dishes. I could've told them my father and I didn't like green beans or onions but no one was asking me much of anything right now. The only question I heard since my mother passed away was 'Are you ok?' and no matter how I would respond, they would try to comfort me. Even if I didn't want to be comforted. The blonde hair she didn't put up fell around my shoulders and just as I predicted, my neck was saturated with sweat.

"Tally?" I looked over my shoulder at my best friend, taking my eyes away from the sunbeams long enough to see him walking over from the back porch. I wasn't trying to avoid him, I just didn't have anything to say. I turned back around and dropped my eyes to the dirt, the blue zebra stripes and spots from staring at the sun too long making it a little more interesting to look at. "You disappeared."

I just shrugged, not really knowing what to say. I hadn't said much, not even to him. He didn't really mind. He just sat beside me the whole time, not brothering me about much of anything.

"Death isn't the end, Tally."

"I'll never see her again. That's pretty much the end."

He sat down in the other swing and pushed off the ground with his shinny dress shoes. His mother made him wear his best dress suit for today so I was half certain the back of his neck was sweaty too. He'd only complained a little after they tightened the tie, saying it was itchy and felt like someone was trying to strangle him.

"She wouldn't want you to be mopey."

"How would you know?" I snapped. "She wasn't your mother."

He didn't' get upset about my comment, just tilted back so his hair almost grazed the dirt. "She never liked sad faces. She told you that a lot so don't act like she didn't. No sad faces."

"Shut up, Ce."

"Don't be mean to me. You know that's what she said."

"I don't care what she said! She's dead and she's not saying anything now. So why would she even care if I was sad or not?"

I got up from the swing and stormed away, heading back to the house. I didn't need a crystal ball to know he would follow me. He always did when I walked away from him or anything else for that matter. So I was expecting this big...lecture about how I was being selfish and mean, that I had no reason to be angry. But I couldn't help it. I was angry. My mother was dead and all I wanted was just one more hug, one more kiss. One more night where we dumped the bowel of popcorn on my father's head because he'd fallen asleep during movie night.

I wasn't going to get that and I didn't need a lecture from someone who was only older than me by a few minutes. But when he caught up to me, he didn't say anything. My best friend pulled me to a stop and hugged me, wrapping his arms so tightly around me I couldn't really breathe. It was a feeling I'd gotten used to, ever since my father came out in the hall at the hospital and told me my mother wasn't going to wake up. From now on, when Cecil hugged me, I imagined it was going to be just like this. Full of remorse and grief.