complications

Why

I dont understand why people make fun of people or why you would want them to be sad like yeah i dont have that many friends but that doesnt mean you have to make my life worse does it?

I mean i could mess up on one little thing and you could just come up with everything you can just to make me feel bad like today in my class i got a problem wrong and your comment was "wow Aazon your so stupid nobody likes you god you're such a retard" and i just responded with "I know"

Or the time i walked in to school and the first thing i heared that morning at school was not hello Aazon good morning or hope you have a good day  no it was "wow i see you didnt go home and kill yourself like i told you to" and "ew why'd you have to show up today" I know im not perfect but i dont deserve this do I?

You say all these things to me and for what does my pain entertain you does making me feel like worthless trash just fill you with joy all year ive delt with your crap and you know what its finally getting to me maybe your right maybe i am a "faggot" you call me it everyday what if your right maybe i should go home and shoot myself or go home and drink a bottle of bleach or maybe i should go home and swallow a hole bottle of pills. Maybe i am this ugly disgusting failure of a person

Your probably right i come home and just cry everyday i cry i write in my book and i listen to music i put on my fake smile at home and never dare to wear short sleeves or take of my hoodie off because they'll see the scars of all the words he calls me at school every word has a special cut on my body my arm is littered in cuts was opened over and over again by that blade and there was that one time where my friend grabed my arm and i cried out in pain he held me there and lifted up my sleeves and screamed at me for this and i was happy i thought wow maybe there is someone who cares for me thats what i thought....

But no days weeks months past and you gave up on me you stoped caring you stoped checking to see if i had taken my pain and anger out on my self you stopped talking to me and then one day i heared you in the hall call me a "emo dumb ass bitch who should just cut too deep already.." i walked up to you and said thank you, thank you for teaching me that i have no place in this world no friends no meaning no purpose i should just leave it, but im scared im to scared to do it because im afraid that where ever i go it will still follow me you dont have to worry about anything when your dead right but what if there wrong what if there is a after life and the same stuff happens to me up there or down there what if it never stops..

So yeah that is just one of my many many complications..