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Empty. Lifeless. Barren.
Her heart churned the words into her system as her hand touched her tummy for the nth time. There was no life left in that little heaven for them to cherish, empty as before. The tears trickled down her eyes along with the water running from the shower as she stood motionless, letting the water soak every part of her being, maybe drown her pain away. The pain of losing what she had always been craving for, the pain of shattering everyone's dreams, the pain of being barren again.
" We couldn't save your child "
The words still rang in her ears, his silent sobs still rang in her ears. he had broken down, hugging his father. All she could do was silently watch him from behind the door, a part of her knowing she did not have the courage to hold him when she might be the reason for his pain. It was the pain that hurt her the most, to see him broken to bits. Her heart knew he wouldn't show it, but would rather break within. Her thoughts went back to the day he had talked to their unborn baby with the gleam in his eyes, a gleam which was now nothing but emptiness. There was just emptiness. A sob left her lips as she crumbled to the floor into the pool of water letting the tears fall, her hand still trying to protect what wasn't left in her, only if she could ever protect their dream once more.
He could hear the shower running, only the sound of the water hitting the floor reached him no sound of her. He had never seen her so lifeless, she would just just sit and watch others talk, nod when they spoke to her. It was all mechanical, but he could see the lifeless side of her, he felt no better but he knew he was the one she could reach out to. It had been 2 days they had been back from the hospital and they hadn't talked. Seeing her so lifeless, he worried even the mention of anything would break her beyond what she was, but the same part of him knew they were the only ones who understood each other.Their dreams had been shattered before they could even live them, the pain was their burden to bear but they had each other. She would be able to see the pain in his eyes, the very reason he had been unable to face her, but the emptiness in her eyes wouldn't leave him in peace.
Ishita..
His voice tore through the sound of the water running. Her eyes opened darting towards the door of the bathroom. It was him, the only voice she wanted to hear in the whole abyss of darkness, reaching out to her.
He was waiting to hear her voice as he called out to her, there was no reply but still the sound of the water running down. He was waiting for her to respond but rather was shaken to see the door opening and there she stood, drenched from head to toe with the water dripping down her, the pain burning in her eyes. His heart broke further at the sight of her and the tears he had been trying to hold back rolled down his eyes. One look at her and he knew there was nothing else she needed, he simply held his arms out and she was in them holding onto him and crying her heart out. He never realized when he was crying along, the pain of seeing her, the pain he tried to hold onto from the past 2 days, it all just broke away from the confounds of his heart.
Her hands wrapped around his neck, absorbing his tears which touched her skin while hers was absorbed by his. She felt his soothing touches on her back as her sobs got louder, his only silent as ever. It just made her feel all the more miserable.
Im sorry Raman.
The words froze his hand on her back. He didn't need to hear more to know what she was trying to say. Is that why she had not uttered a word over the 2 days to him, she was sorry! He felt his heart sinking further at her state. Without thinking for another minute, he pulled out of the hug and placed a finger on her lips not letting her speak further, less she would blame it all on herself more.
Don't. If you love me even a bit, don't do this.
She just kept staring at him with the tears in her eyes as he looked right into her eyes and shook his head. The love she could see in his eyes put her to shame and she tried not meeting his eyes,
Don't look away from me Ishita. You know you won't be able to. Whatever happened, it was not in our hands, it was what was written to happen. You and i could do nothing to stop it.
But...But I lost our baby Raman. I..took away your happiness..everyones..I..
The words fumbled out of her lips. Quivering. Her eyes widened in surprise when she felt him kneel and put his hand on her tummy, the very place he had before. With one hand he moved the fabric aide and his hands wrapped around her waist, hugging himself closer to her tummy.
Baby, i know you are not in here but please tell your mumma, you are always in our hearts. You are in her heart, my heart, nothing can take you away from there. Tell her none of this is her fault, it just happened. She won't listen to what I say as always, so just like before, you tell her how much I still love her. She thinks she took my happiness away, but what she should know and does know, though she doesn't realize it is, she is my happiness. She gave me you, she gave me everything, my children, my life back and she still thinks she took my happiness away. It was our happiness. It was our dream. it was her dream. And you are still with us, not gone anywhere. Your mom doesn't listen to what I say, so you tell her to give me back my old Ishita, the one who is my happiness. She will listen to you. Tell her, please that i love her more than anything.
Tears rolled down her eyes as she felt his lips kissing her tummy and his words sinking in her heart. What had she ever done to deserve his love.? Sobs broke through the silence followed by his words as she fell on her knees facing him.
Raman I..
Shhh, don't say a thing. Just know that you mean more than anything else to me Ishita. I mean it. You can never take my happiness away from me, because its you. Its you gave me everything.
And you gave me something i never thought i could have. Our baby.
Who's still right here. As lovable and adored as always. Our baby.
She looked at him with tears in her eyes as he placed his one hand over her heart and took hers to place it over his. She nodded at him with a blurred vision, the tears in his eyes were visible. Her heart beat in peace when he wordlessly pulled her into a hug crushing her to himself, crushing him into herself and leaving no space for even air to be between them.
Their hands wrapped warningly around each other, hugging each other dearly. it could have been minutes or hours they stayed in each others embrace silently shedding tears until she felt him breaking the hug and scooping her up gently into his arms. She snuggled closer to him as he carried her to the bed laying her down. She held her arms out to him as he pulled her blanket onto her, covering her. He smiled lightly at her open arms and obliged. She wrapped her arms around him, as he lay beside her pulling her closer. His lips pressed into her hair, his heart beat sounded in her ears as she placed her head on his chest listening to the only sound that could give her peace and their arms tightened around each other. as they silently held onto each other, sleep evading them, the scars still deep but the love only being the one to heal them.
