He Gave Me Purpose//Min Yoongi

J U M P

     "Nothing matters now. Nothing. I will be nothing...Not like I was something."
I thought, standing at the edge of the roof top, looking up into the grey sky, watching the rain pour down onto the people below.
     "Nobody will miss me.." I said inching towards the edge.
     "Nobody...not even my friends," I took another step closer.
     "Not even my family," I scooched forward.
     "Nobody...."
     My eyes, and throat burned, from tears, regurgitating, and constant rubbing.
I looked down, and realized how close I was to the edge, and my heart stopped, and I froze. The world had seemed to stop right there, like it was accepting my death. Not even the world cared if i was gone. Nobody did.
     The wind was so strong it rocked me back and forth on my feet, almost pushing me off of the edge. It wasn't a bad thing though. My friends are all too busy partying together. So my life won't matter. They won't notice I'm gone, until it's on TV. They won't miss me.
     The rain slowly started to soak my hair, and make the roof slippery. I stood there for about 5 minutes, and nobody noticed. Nobody cared, just like i had thought. My body starting shutting down, realizing this is the end.
     "I deserve it, i know i do. I really do, i deserve to die." I thought, slowly stepping to the edge, until my feet hung off.
    I reached into my pocket and took out the blade i had used last night, and looked back to make sure no one was looking. I quickly had rolled up my sleeves, and since death was near, i applied much force to the blade as i could, swiping it across my skin as fast as i could, making the biggest, and deepest cut i have ever made. It almost made it seem like the rest of my scars didn't matter, or were nonexistent. I threw my blade to the side, letting the blood wash off because of the rain. I showed no emotion to the wound on my arm that stung, and now was pouring blood, still, nobody seemed to notice.
     I look back, to see Val and Taehyung talking by the punch, Jimin and Kristina comparing hands, and Hannah and Jungkook rocking out on the dance floor. The rest of my friends were lost in the crowd. I looked back into the surrounding darkness and rain, and slowly started to fall forward, closing my eyes, and embracing the air and pain that is coming soon.
     My whole life flashed before my eyes, before i physically left the roof. All of the people I've hurt, all of the people who hurt me, all of my mistakes and regrets, all of my 17 years i was alive, right in front of me.
   Falling forward felt like i was in slow motion, but the slow motion was taken away, by two hands squeezing around my torso, suddenly yanking me back with such force. I fell directly onto their chest where i was able to hear their fast heart beat.
    I sat with my feet dangling off of the edge of the roof, frozen, laying on a person that i had no clue of their identity. Before i could even comprehend what was happening, the person darts up, and comes to sit next to me. I didn't make an effort to look up at them, all i did was stare down at the people walking, soaked, wishing that i was down there instead of up here.
     "I love you" i heard the person say, and my head shot up, to only be greeted by the teary puffy eyed Yoongi. I've never seen him cry, and seeing him crying broke my heart.
     As soon as those words came out of his mouth, i bursted out in tears. I couldn't take it. I wished i was dead, so i wouldn't have to be in this moment. I felt his soft hands bring me closer to his chest for a hug, a long hug, with both of us crying.
   While hugging, Yoongi spotted the blade, and slowly pulled me away.
     "Let me see your arm." He said, in a tone as serious as he could get to while he's crying and in shock.
     "Why" i barely managed to choke out, my head throbbing and my eyes watering.
     "So I can see how many times you needed me and I wasn't there." he said, more tears forming up in his eyes.
     I pulled my sleeves up over my hands, hiding the eternal markings of pain, suffering, anxiety, and self hatred. But that didn't stop him. He slowly took both of my arms, rolled up the sleeves, to a sight of a severely scarred arm, making out words like "fat," "ugly," and "nobody cares" carved into my skin. And to the other arm, with a fresh, deep cut on it, still pouring blood.
    I could see the pain and guilt in his eyes, as he started to tear up. His sadness, made me tear up even more than i was. After two minutes, he asked, "why would you do this to yourself?"
     I didn't answer, and ignored the question, even though he asked it about 6 times. I became so overwhelmed, realizing what I would've done if Yoongi wasn't here, what I had done to myself, what is happening, with the party in the background, and Yoongis constant flow of tears. All of this became too much to handle, and my body shut down, and I passed out.