Better off Undead

Forward - A Letter to Readers

PLEASE DO NOT WATCH THE VIDEO UNTIL YOU HAVE READ BELOW.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Dear Wattpad Readers,

Thank you for choosing Better off Undead for your reading enjoyment. You are clearly a person of refined interests and impeccable tastes to have waded through the voluminous seas of available literature before settling on this clearly superb selection. Or you were just hoping for some gore. Or you accidently clicked and are staring at these words saying to yourself "What the hell? I didn't want this!" Or you're a friend or family member and you feel you owe me suffering through another of my books long enough to pretend you read it.

Whatever the reason, I thought it best to warn you of what might be in store for you in the coming pages.

First of all, I have labeled this as a book of "horror," but I would say it is more of a mixed genre work, and that is entirely intentional and purposeful. One should be able to find a generous mixture of science fiction, fantasy, comedy, action, and adventure mixed in with the horror, and they all weigh-in about equally. What this means for you is that if you aren't typically a fan of horror, you might still find something to enjoy in this book. If you are a fan of horror, do not despair! I imagine there will be plenty of what you are looking for on the following pages, as well.

Secondly, I wrote most of Better off Undead before ever learning that "wattpad" was even a thing that exists. This is important to note because I was originally writing chapters at whatever size I saw fit. Now, Wattpad recommends keeping segments to around a "2000 word limit," in order to better accommodate readers on cell phones and tablets. Originally, some of my chapters reached up to almost 8000 words, nearly four times the recommended limit. As such, I have shortened and divvied up the chapters as much as possible, but I apologize in advance that some of the chapters are still going to be pretty lengthy (I think the current highest clocks in somewhere around 3200 words). There is a reason I can't bring myself to break them up too much, and that reason is my next point.

At the start of each chapter, there is a video. This video is a song that I have matched to that particular chapter for varying reasons. I have done this because this book owes about 90% of its existence to the musical genre known as horrorpunk, and is largely written as a tribute to such music. In order to return the favor, I thought I'd share some of my favorite songs and biggest inspirations back with you, hapless reader, in the hopes that you might also enjoy said music. Or at least not run screaming in the other direction while blood pours like a fountain from your earholes. As an example, I have posted a video of one such song at the start of this chapter. It is hopefully a good example of the kind of music you can expect to hear from the following chapters. If you don't like the song, feel free to skip them. They are not necessary to the plot and are not intended to give extra insight or atmosphere. They are simply a companion to the story if you are interested. If you do enjoy the music, I will be keeping a convenient playlist on my youtube page that can be found, theoretically, by going to youtube and searching for either "Better off Undead playlist" or my username "Ramzo Wily." (Hint: try clicking the "watch on youtube" link in the video) There should also be a clickable external link at the bottom of this page.

Lastly, while I have not set a "Mature content" tag on this book, as I have done my best to ensure it is free of anything that might be considered mature content, the videos may very much contain some "mature content." So if you are a person who is easily offended or has delicate sensibilities, kindly go @*&$ yourself with a #8$&# and @*#&$ in the *@#&!*, you &%$!#@. And by that I mean that you may simply want to avoid the videos and if you consider it necessary, vote for the story to be labeled "mature."

In conclusion, feel free to kick back and relax with a glass of wine in one hand and your mouse or preferred reading device in the other, and enjoy the story as it unfolds. Updates will come Tuesdays and Fridays. Feel free to comment to your hearts content, and if you enjoy the story please, please vote.

Thank you, and reader... beware!

- Ramzo "the Terrestrial Carnivorous Monkey" Wily