Yes, girls, this might just be the biggest night of my life and Im sitting here doodling.
But doodling is what I always do when I get nervous, and I dont think Ill ever be more nervous than I am right now because Im about to hop into a limousine and head off to the Academy Awards, where I could maybe, just maybe, win an Oscar!
Can you girls believe this? Your very own mom is one of only 5 nominees for Best Actress! Okay, it wasnt a huge stretch to play a dirt-poor street performer in Atlantic City, but its not often that a comedy gets any awards.
Whats even rarer is when funny girls win the Oscar for Best Actress. I think the last time was 1977, when Diane Keaton won for Annie Hall.
I wasnt even born in 1977. That means you guys werent, either.
Anyway, theres a twenty percent chance that I might have to give a sp-sp-sp-speech tonight in front of m-m-m-millions of people, which, as you might imagine, terrifies me beyond my ability to put terror into w-w-w-words.
If, by some miracle, I actually do win the Best Actress Oscar for Cracking Up, the first thing Im going to do, of course, is thank uou two for making me laugh everyday since you were born. Unless I trip on my gown. If that happens, the first thing Im going to do is stand back up and adjust stuff.
Uh-oh, my purse is shaking!
Either Los Angeles is having another one of its famous eartquakes or my producers are texting me to say its time to go.
Before I do...
Theres something else I want to tell you guys.
After finishing filming Cracking Up, and before I went back to work at Saturday Night Live, I wrote a book.
This book.
Its all about when I was a kid.
Thats right. Once upon a time, I was actually your age. Before that, I was even younger. Its true. I have, in my past, been both an infant and toddler.
The story I want to tell you guys took place when I was twelve. It starts when I decided to climb up to the top of the Ferris wheel on the Seaside Heights boardwalk in New Jersey. It was after midnight, so the ride was locked up tight. But that didnt stop me. I was a girl on a mission.
You could say I was a little crazy back in the 1990s.
(Heck, we all were. We danced to music by two guys named Milli Vanilli.)
It wasnt just that I wanted to have a look out over the Atlantic Ocean. I was also wondering what Id be like when I grew up, if I grew up. Maybe I had convinced myself that by scaling the Ferris wheel and staring out at the ocean, I might be able to see my future, somewhere off on the horizon.
Did I mention I was a little crazy back then?
