I'm so sorry

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I'm so sorry....

I'm sorry for not being the perfect daughter. I'm sorry for not having straight As. I'm sorry for not having a million different guys following me around. I'm sorry for not being the daughter you always wanted.

I'm not perfect. I know. I spend nights reading and writing all cooped up in my room. I'm sorry for the fights we have. I'm sorry for the way I am. I would change if I could. I really would.

But I've faked it for you. I've worn all pink, had a lot of friends, a boyfriend, good grades, but it still didn't please you. I still saw the disapointment in your eyes. That...that distroyed me. I did everything I could. Everything. And it still wasn't good enough....

I'm so sorry for everything I've done. I know you didn't want me. But here I am. Finding myself begging for you to just notice! Just notice something's wrong! But I guess you never will.

So here I am. Typing. Trying to find a way to escape my pain. Calling it bitching or whining (I know you will if you ever read this) but I just needed a way to escape. Here I am on the verge of tears. Yet you don't even notice. All I've ever wanted was for you to notice. Here I am counting down the days to when I can finally leave this nightmare I call a home.  

You don't even know half of the things you've done. All those scars, all those tears, all the pain, all the headaches......I hope one day you realize what you've done...

I'm so sorry....

For everything.

But I can't do it anymore. I don't want to.

No I'm not giving up, as in the sense of suicide. I'm just done trying to make you proud of me. I'm sorry I could never be the person I wanted you to be.....

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