Masarap Ang Bawal: If Ever

Chapter 40 (Asar)

Chapter 40

Asar

It all started with an accusation.Cea stating that I still have feelings for Rhum.Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganoon siya ka-insecure sa huli.Wala namang ginagawa iyong isa sa kanya.Ni wala rin naman akong ginagawa na pwede niyang pagdudahan.But she  could always find a way to make herself jealous and for me to look like I've been cheating on her.

Ma-late lang sa usapan kesyo tinagpo ko na si Rhum.Mag-ring lang ang cellphone ko ay si Rhum na ang tumawag.Much more kapag naabutan niya akong may kausap sa telepono.I even told her to dial everyone in my phonebook to put her at ease.Ayaw niya naman.Natatakot siyang malaman ng iba na may relasyon nga kami.

I'm the one who's supposed to get angry.I'm the one who should feel like I've been cheated on.Kasi hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin siya handang ipaalam sa iba ang relasyon namin.Na para bang may pinagtataguan siya.Dahil raw sa trabaho niya.As if being inlove is a crime.Hindi niya kayang ipangalandakan na kami.Siya lang naman ang iniisip ko kung bakit pumayag akong itago ang relasyon namin ng tatlong taon.And yet here she was having suspicions about me.

"I WOULD be insecure If I was her too," her friend,Ivy, once told me.

"And why is that?," kunot-noo kong tanong.

"Come to think of it,you have a history with Rhum.At kung may feelings ka pa nga sa kanya,you can go all the way with her.Malaya kang ipangalandakan na kayo.But in her case,you can't.Because she has a career to protect," she explained.

That conversation didn't make any sense for me.A career to protect? Why? Don't I have a career too?

And what made her say that I still have feelings for Rhum?

Isa sa pinakadesperadang ginawa ni Cea ay ang tawagan si Rhum sa gitna ng aming pagtatalik.I was unaware of it.Nalaman ko na lang iyon nang icheck ko ang aking call log at may 10 minutes call ako sa isang unknown number.Puta! May record pa.Sumakit ang ulo ko nang marinig ang recording.Rinig na rinig doon ang ungol ni Cea at ang natatarantang pamilyar na boses ng isang babae.I had never imagined she could stoop down like that

To confirm it,I asked for Rhum's number from Ivy.And the 10-minute call that I've saved as "???" matched her number.

Kung bakit iyon nagawa ni Cea,marahil ay dahil sa litratong kumalat sa social networking sites kung saan may inaakbayan akong babae.Which the world is asking if she's my girlfriend.

Cea,knew it's Rhum.But what crept  me out was that she kept her cool meeting with Rhum after the incident.Napakabait niya sa harapan nito.Hindi mo talaga iisiping pinagseselosan niya ang huli.I thought that's worst.But I've thought wrong.

Sa kakasabi ni Cea na may feeling pa ako kay Rhum ay parang naniniwala na nga ako.It's not that my love for her was weak.There's just this strong pull from nowhere.

Dahil sa tuwing nakakasama ko si Rhum ay parang may pamilyar na damdaming nagigising.I don't know if it's her eyes which shouts longingness or her actions that despite the opposite still connotes she's trying hard to act normal around me.

Sa katagalan,both of them are driving me crazy.Crazier actually.It's as if Cea's pushing me away as Rhum's pulling me into her.

Maybe it's the thought that what Rhum and I had before could be considered as unfinished that you couldn't help but think of what ifs.You really could not help but ask for more kapag may isang bagay na bitin.Hindi pa nakakatulong iyong araw-araw na pag-aaway namin ni Cea.

And I knew that time in Batangas that If I kiss her,it will be the end of me.Alam kong magiging kumplikado ang lahat kapag  sinunod ko ang gusto kong gawin.But talking with Rhum,on a drunken state,under the moonlight with the serene sea waves,on a 12 midnight was way too calming.Ginawa nitong payak ang magulo kong pag-iisip.