Anger, Disappointment, Fear and Hurt. The four things you get when you utter those two words that can cause so much damages "I'm Gay". You'll remember the look that you were given,the way your parents and grandparents mouth turned up in almost disgust as the words hit their ears. The way their eyes go dark as the fear sets in. You've tried for the years that you've know to mentally prepare for the words that were to come next.
You're what? Came a heartbroken question from your grandmother. Your throat tightens, palms sweaty as you look wide eyed not wanting to repeat it again. "I'm Gay" came the small weak voice that was so desperately trying to hide the fear that was present, not wanting to know if what would come next. You stand frightened, frozen like a deer in headlights. Much like a deer you know something is happening you just don't know what. Standing there as you just look forwards trying not to make eye contact, you don't want to see the heartbroken faces of your family shifting on your feet not wanting to believe it's true.
The sound of your fathers knuckles popping soon sound his mouth moving silently like he wants to say something but can't. You can hear the almost silent prayer that your grandmother is mumbling. Like God will come and make their previously perfect child perfect again. Maybe the years of hiding in the closet was a good idea was it better than this? Hiding in the closet meant not staring into the faces of the ones you love and seeing hurt and anger. But the years of hiding in the closet meant hiding who you are, it meant not being you. It meant pretending to be something that you weren't to make people who don't accept you or love you the way you are happy.
As your mind races with all of these different thoughts your fathers voice breaks the silence. "Get out" you hear the words but you don't want to believe in them. The person who used to rock you to sleep, the man who taught you to ride a bike read you stories and protected you told you to get out. You don't want to believe it, "what"? Your voice shaking you can feel the tears filling your eyes not wanting to break. "Get out" the words came again through gritted teeth hitting you harder than the first time.
"We don't keep fags here" your grandmother chimes in. You can't help it the hot tears roll down your face not wanting any of this to be true. Your life feels like it's crashing down around you faster than what you expected. Slowly you turn and walk out, driving away as the the tears fall. You lost everything all because you wanted to be you.
Sadly this is the reality for a lot of us LGBTQ+ youth. We're disowned, thrown out abandoned. You don't have to come out because you're apart of the LGBTQ+. Only come out if you're in a safe place or have a back up plan in case things go bad. Never out someone you know, that could lead to a dangerous situation with either family or school. We want you all safe if you're closeted that's okay. If you're out that's okay too. If you're not exactly sure yet that's still okay it doesn't invalidate you don't let anyone make you think that it does.
All we want is for you to be you and be happy with who you are even if your biological family doesn't support you everyone in the LGBTQ family will adopt you and you'll have a large family with a mixture of people.
I understand this isn't the situation some go through or how it happened this is just my take on it and I hope you enjoyed the story comment or like the story have an amazing day I love everyone.
😊😊😊❤️💛💚💙💜
