Butterfly

Wake up,
Head pounding, heart racing, muscles aching, joints throbbing
I can't feel my hands
My skin hurts to touch
I'm only 19 why am I having such problems
I don't get out much
Because I can only pretend I'm fine for so long
Sometimes when I meet someone new I pretend I'm healthy so I don't have to explain everything over and over
Like I have more times than I could ever count, like a never ending song
Not a good song either
Lupus is my demon and I'm not sure if I will overcome
But I will fight
and fight
and fight
Until I have nothing in me left
Because I am not done living
I'm not giving up on myself like so many others have
I have goals and dreams like most
And I will reach them
It may be harder for me
Because some days I can't even make it through a shower alone
But I will come out on top
Even if it's only for a little while
I have to show other woman going through this that if I can do it they can too
I dream of a cure
It's a beautiful dream
But my lupus lingers like a bad nightmare where the images burn into your head
I want to be a role model
I may have been given a rough life
But that does not dim my light
Do not mistaken my pain for defeat or for weakness
I am strong, I am a warrior
And this battle is not over
I will be someone
I will not let this disease take over who I am
I will use my misfortunes to be a inspiration to others looking up to me
I will use my troubles to show that no matter what you can be who you want to be
As long as you push yourself
And in the end it will be worth it