Color My Life

Fade to Grey

Mia could never tell when it started.

At what point in her life did the grey come creeping into every corner of her existence?

It wasn't like there was a grand, earth-shattering event that suddenly sucked the color out of her life. Nobody died. Her home was fine. College could be worse. She didn't have cancer, or diabetes, or even a broken bone.

But still, slowly and steadily, the color had drained away.

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Mia stood back from her easel with a sigh. With a final stroke, she had completed the still life of a bowl of fruit that her professor had set out in front of the class.

"Ah! Mia, my dear, are you finished? Let us see with what loveliness you will grace us with today," Mr. Pendergast exclaimed in his so-British-it-must-be-fake voice. The slim, silver-whiskered old man glided over to inspect her canvas.

"Wonderful. Simply wonderful. Look, class, you would do well to emulate her attention to detail and delicate shading to perfectly recreate the hues of these simple fruits. Well done, Mia!"

Mia felt a flush creeping across her pale cheeks. She quickly hid it by pulling her thick chestnut hair out of its bun and letting it spill across her face as she answered quietly, her chocolate-brown eyes lowered to the ground. "Thank you, Mr. Pendergast."

She glanced up quickly and then back down as she realized that the whole class was staring at her. She thought she could feel their frustration and annoyance as they turned back to their own canvases. Teacher's pet....that's what they're all thinking right now.

Mia could hardly wait for her painting to dry so that she could roll it up and go home. 

Plugging in her headphones, she let the breezy pop tunes envelop her in a cloud as she walked across Fulbright's campus. It was a beautiful university, with a gorgeous quad area where tons of happy students lounged or played sports. Maybe it was the headphones, but as she walked across campus, Mia had the eerie sensation that she wasn't really there, in the same quad with them. She felt as if they lived in their own bright happy world, while she was in her own world of grey. Was it even a world? Maybe it was more like a void. Just a wretched emptiness that nothing could really cut into. 

The dissonance between the reality around her and the reality in her head grated so much that it caused physical pain. Mia could tell another migraine was coming on. Her phone buzzed and she quickly swiped through the notifications. Some friends were getting together for a study group later. She really couldn't be bothered to go. Making up some excuse, she quickly typed out her apologies and dismissed the texts. At the same time though, she felt so guilty...why couldn't she just be a normal college student like everyone else???

Mia started to run. She just had to get away from it all. She ran the last few meters to her red brick dorm building and huffed up the four flights of stairs, unwilling to wait for the elevator and stand awkwardly silent with some stranger. 

Rushing to room 414, she burst in, dropped all her bags and artwork on the floor and headed straight to her bed. Enveloping herself deep in her blankets, she let the darkness engulf her and the world outside fade away behind a veil of tears. 

Dear God why am I like this? 

Will I always be like this? 

What is wrong with me?

Dear God, help. 

Please....