Dear family,
I'm sorry...
Those words look so little and insignificant written down but it took me months to work up the courage to write them, let alone say them. And the reason for that is not because I'm stubborn (though I am) or because I don't want to let you all win, it's because I can't face what I've done.
The thought of it makes me sick to the stomach and I cry myself to sleep every night.
This letter isn't going to make up for anything, that would be impossible, but I just want you to know how I feel and then you'll never have to deal with me again, I'll be gone. I'm moving, disappearing, starting over in a new place with a new name, new style, new life. I'll be a distant memory and that's fine.
What I've done over the past years of my life has been so horrible that I can't even begin to tell you how much regret I have. I would give anything to redo my life and make different choices. Though I cannot redo it or redeem myself, for the choices I've made have determined my life, my fate and I have nobody to blame for that but myself.
Although I can try to get you to understand that I will always carry that regret with me wherever I go and that I take full responsibility for my actions, of which will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Now my messages to you all personally, my apologies, my goodbyes. (Youngest to oldest)
Lily- little lioness lily. You are truly brave and strong and would make any guy quiver in his boots with a flick of that gorgeous red hair (which I had great envy of). Please stay being the independent feisty girl that I love and look up to (even if you are 2 feet smaller and over 4 years younger than me).
Hugo- where do I start? Everything I said to you was for no reason other than to make myself feel better and I really didn't mean to hurt you (your hairs not actually as bad as I always said it was kid).
Lucy- when you joined me in slytherin, I started to love you like a little sister, though I didn't show it and wish I did. When you started to gain power over the junior school, I got angry as I was afraid that you would be a better queen than I was, so I told you that you weren't worthy. But in reality I can't think of anyone more worthy, a queen loves all, she does not demand all love on her. The crowns in your hands now, don't you dare follow my example.
Louis- oh Lou, I can't describe how much you mean to me. When I was in the dark, you were always my light to guide me out, into safety. I've screamed at you, I've made fun of you, I told you that I hated to when really you are the person I love the most on this earth. I will always love you and will never forget the times we had together on the beach by shell cottage. I left money under your pillow in your room, for you to turn my room into a studio, for your music. Live your dreams brother, live your life to the fullest. I'm gonna miss you so much, but don't worry I won't forget to blow out a candle on your birthday and sing our song. Don't forget me little bro.
Rosie- you hate me, I know and I hate myself for the way I treated you. You are kind, crazy smart and have the bestest friends. I guess I was jealous and my way of coping with that was making your life hell. Although you stayed strong and continued being the brave, genius that you always have been, making me even more jealous.
Albus- my dear slytherin brother. It feels like no time has past since I was jumping in the air clapping at your sorting. For when you became a slytherin, my heart felt like it had been lifted and I could breath again, I wasn't alone anymore. Thank you for keeping me company and being such an amazing true person despite what others said to get you down (including me).
Scorpious- my other dear slytherin brother. Thank you for looking after me. Thank you for listening to me when no-one else would. Thank you for understanding what it feels like to be an outsider and for showing me that I didn't have to be the slutty mean queen that everyone said I was. Thank you for loving the real me, though our fling was brief, it showed me what I hadn't seen before and I'll always be grateful for that.
