The walk to school was longer than I remembered, or maybe I was just taking my time today. Ofcourse I didn't want to go, and I guess I was walking slowly, but the first day back to school isn't any fun for anyone. Especially not for me. Not today. Instead of a neatly packed lunch by my mother I had a $20 note as lunch money that was scrunched up in my back pocket. I was not going to find stupid little characters that my father had drawn in my notebook the night before. I hadn't even bothered to bring a notebook today. Today was going to be different.
My thumbs rubbed furiously against the straps of my bag as I turned the last corner. Sigh. I almost came to a complete stop looking for a reason to not continue any further, a reason to turn around and run back to my aunt's house and hide in my bed for the rest of the school year, but a bus load of students pulled up along side of me and I knew it was too late. They had seen me for sure.
I sighed again.
I quickly put my head down and picked up the pace, almost progressing in to a small jog as I reached the school steps. Not wanting to walk in alone, I stopped against the railing at the bottom of the stairs, my head still down, staring at my worn out high-top converse and I waited for a familiar face. The flow of students never stopped as everyone piled in to the old red brick building, conversations about how everyone spent their holidays filled the air and it was almost too loud to think. Where was she?
After what seemed like hours I finally saw her. Talia gave me a wide smile as she walked up to me, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. No doubt another pity smile, I guess I would have to get used to those.
"Heeey, Claire" her arms enveloped me as she pulled me in to a big hug. She smelt like expensive perfume and up close I could tell she was wearing makeup, not as much as usual but definitely more than me. Her hair was smooth, not one strand out of place and was dressed in bright colours. Over all she looked happy, like a happy person, and I definitely didn't. This wouldn't be the first time we didn't look like similar people. She was always happy and confident and I was the shy and creative type. Total opposites but we made it work. 7 years later and our friendship is stronger than ever, although it had been tested alot over these holidays.
I gave her my best 'im fine' smile, but I know it didn't reach my eyes either.
"Have you been waiting long?" she ran her hands over her hair, a nervous habit of hers. Great, that's what I need. For my best friend to feel awkward around me. I sighed again, but only to myself.
"Long enough, can we just get this over with? I want to get past all the uncomfortable conversations with everyone else before lunch" I said, turning on my heels to walk in to the school, Talia pinned close to my side.
The school was bustling with students, the hallways were lined with them. We stopped just short of the assembly hall doors and I lazily dropped my backpack to the floor. Talia did the same.
"So, I have some ideas for what we could do this year? You know, at school." She beamed. She was always looking of ways to meet new people and make more of a known presence within the school. Ugh, I could not think of anything worse and she knew that, but I appreciated her efforts to avoid any awkward silences.
"Oh god, Talia. Please. Not this again. I want nothing more than to drift through these halls undetected until we can graduate and get out of here." I leaned my back against the wall. Talia shifted her position so she was standing right in front of me. I tilted my head so it was touching the wall behind me and I focused on a random spot on the roof. I could feel her eyes on me. studying me, deciding how far she could push me with this stupid conversation before I cracked.
"Oh come on, it will be fun. Don't you want to meet new people and have fun during our last year? We could join one of the sports teams, or the drama group, or dance group?" She was smiling through her voice. I scoffed. Dancing? Me? She must be joking. I couldn't dance. Not as in 'white girl can't dance', I mean I cannot dance. I'm always out of time and all of my body parts move independently from the rest. It was not a good look , or safe. For anyone.
"Oh, yeah. Actually, I just remembered my 14th birthday. Maybe not the dance group." Talia teased. I shook my head and smiled. I was glad she had relaxed a little bit around me and wasn't tiptoeing around poor little Claire anymore. She continued to babble on about the benefits of chess club and how surprisingly good looking the boys that were on our football team were while I fiddled with my necklace, twirling it between my fingers and giving Talia the occasional 'uh-huh' or 'sure'. She was suddenly interrupted by a trio of people that appeared next to us. They hovered awkwardly next to us before smiling at Talia politely and then turning to face me. The head of the trio was Rachel, I had spoken to her maybe once or twice over our high school life but only when we were made to work together. Absolutely never out of the blue like this. I knew what her and her friends were going to say.
"Hi Claire, how are you?" Her green eyes were full of sympathy as she looked up at me. I never realized she was so short. She had a very mature looking face but her height and short brown bob made her look years younger then she really is.
"Um, Hi Rachel, I'm fine" I tried my best to put a smile on my face. She was only trying to be polite but if this was going to continue all day I was going to have to practice being nice.
"That's great. I..uh..just wanted to say I'm sorry..um..about your parents" She stuttered. Finally, someone more awkward than I am. The way she looked at me as if I was about to explode was slightly off putting. I did not want people thinking that about me.
"Thanks Rachel, I really appreciate that." I half smiled. She smiled back, much wider, before nodding slightly. Her two friends doing the same before they all turned and walked back in to the crowd. I exhaled heavily, releasing the breath I didn't realize I was holding.
"So..that wasn't so bad, was it?" I almost forgot Talia was there. She moved closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me but it just did not feel right. We had never been the emotional sort of friends. We were always there for eachother but we never showed it through hugs or sappy speeches. I let her arm linger on my shoulder anyway, she only meant well.
"No, that was okay I suppose but I really don't know how much more I can take of that" I tilted my head to where Rachel had been standing moment earlier. This was going to be a long day. I liked being invisible at school. I hated being poor little Claire Bentley, the newly orphaned girl that everyone needed to pity. I absolutely hated it. For more reason than one.
Talia removed her hand from her shoulder and gestured behind her towards the school doors. "Hey, do you want to get out of here? We could easily sneak out before anyone catches us, and even if they did I don't think anyone is going to hold it against you." She gave a crooked smile and raised both her eyebrows. That did sound good. No class today. No studying or bad cafeteria food and especially no more uncomfortable interactions with anyone else. I smiled at Talia.
"What the hell."
