Poems Of Wisdom, Wanderlust, & Love...

My Will

I wish for acceptance.

Yet knowing that that sort of thought will never lead to anywhere.

My mother's rejection back then has left its wounds deeper than she'll ever know or comprehend.

My friends harsh words as well as the words left unsaid will always haunt me.

My roommate constant meddling also causes my wounds to bleed.

No matter how much people would like me to going back to the days I walked around trying to fake it all out, I have not the strength nor the ability.

I want to be honest even if I am rejected by all.

I want to breath.

Instead I am suffocating still.

Why?

Because I'm a depressing person, once in middle school, a shrink speculated I suffered from a dissociative disorder, my mother agreed.

Maybe their right.

Since...

Biological I am woman and mentally one will say it's half woman and half uncharted, my heart is fragile but my soul is of an artist, my image is that of a blur in my minds eye.

I'm not straight, I'm pansexual.

I'm not a woman, I'm just me.

I'm not their doll.

I'm a person, surly I'm a person.

I have a will.

Can I continue living on strong will alone?

I have no ambitions because I fear losing them to one thing or another.

Yet is it an ambition to want to become stronger through and through?

Or is it a goal?

Cause goals I have, but ambition and passion is what I lack.

I know I'm broken.

I'm lost.

Tonight I thought of dying and ending it here, but I still have the will to live.