Everything leaves me in the end. Friends, love, family, hobbies. Everything. There has never been a single thing I loved which stayed with me. They continue to elude me. They're like a vapour, seen but untangible.
Why does it have to be this way? I never asked for any of this? Why are people so cruel to me? People say God never gives you more than you can bear. If that's true, God has greatly underestimated my strength. I'm suffering. I'm in pain.
My friends have all left me. I'm alone. I'm shunned by my family and burdened with their absurdly high expectations. They've taken all my hobbies away for "the sake of my studies".
Being the friendless person I am, I suppose it's quite apparent I'm on te brink of deppresion. It wasn't always like this. I used to have so many good friends. I was happy. I couldn't have asked for more. Then we graduated and we parted ways. They continued to be happy but I got dump into a hellhole.
Friends I made in college were sonsuperficial, it was disgusting. They gossipped behind your back and backstabbed you when you least expect it. It was Hell on Earth for me.
Ever since I started college, I've been growing increasingly unhappy with my life. Burdened with expectation with no shoulders to lean on, a boy like me would have a hard time coping. I wasn't even supposed to be in college. I was only seventeen, two years faster on the education track compared to my peers. I was supposed to be in high school, enjoying my stressless life.
That is a fleeting dream. All I'm concerned about is how I'm going to survive through another few months of this hellhole.
I actually had a plan to face this dire problem of mine. If I didn't have friends, I would just have to occupy myself with something, to stop my mind from wandering, from overthinking. Anime was my solution and it was fail-proof.
It was a good solution. I loved anime. I loved the stories in it. I loved the characters' different personalities. I loved reading the english subtitles with the background sounds of Japanese conversations.
For half a year, anime kept me sane from reality. The reality that I wasn't anybody's friend. The reality that nobody would care if I disappeared.
Then shit happened. My phone started to malfunction. My parents got me a new phone shortly after but after forcibly checking through my chat history, they confiscated my new phone and forced me to continue using my malfunctioning phone. They locked my new phone away in a safe and deleted all the anime in my phone.
Magnificent. Fantastic. Amazing.
They did this for "'my sake". That's so funny. They don't realise the psychological damage they're about to do to their son by confiscating the only thing he loves in his hellhole of a life.
A new life was about to begin. A life so far worse than before. A life with no distractions from the horrors of reality that await me.
