The Secret Life of a Cartel Wife

• 1 • The Start of the End • El Comienzo de el Fin •

"Cuando te toca , te toca" were the last words I heard from my mamita the day before I left home. Many times throughout the years of my fairly short life had I heard that saying , but it never did weigh in on me until that day.

    It means "When it's your turn , it's your turn".  It was as if I had to be okay with how life was turning out; as if I had to accept everything thrown my way. For many years even after I left home I stuck to that saying ; just accepting my fate. I often spent my days cursing myself and even God for building me the way he did. I was a pretty face , and that's all that mattered to my husband.

     As young women trying to grow in poverty stricken Mexico , one thing you didn't want to happen was for the wrong person to fall in love with you. It is very rare to find youth of any age and gender in Mexico that steers clear of the cartels.
    
    Even if you made honest money , you prayed that you didn't end up at the wrong place at the wrong time because honestly that's all it took. Maybe you were out to late or made a turn on the wrong street but that's all it  took to end your life .

    The cartel knows no boundaries , they know no limits . They are fueled by their wealth and power. If you'd dare get in their way you'd be taken out ; you were just another body on their roster. Once you were on the roster they forgot about you . You were just another muertito they carried in the back of their mind until the day they died and had to hold responsibility for every dead body they carried on their shoulders.

After my dad's death I vowed to never get involved with those types of people. My dad himself died for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. My papi was a hard working, honest and respected man in our pueblo. Dad died one day after work when he stopped to get gas. At that time two oposing cartels were fighting over territory. Tragically dad was caught in the crossfire that day. He never did mess with anybody despite being strongly against the cartels that were responsible for corrupting our youth. He never voiced his opinions due to the pure fear of retaliation. See here in Mexico journalist , news anchors and even honest police men are brutally murdered for doing their jobs. If in any way, shape or form the cartels felt as if you were disrespecting them or siding with oposing cartels , you became another name on the roster of bodies.
  
    I never understood how my brother openly decided to become part of that life even after knowing my father died thanks to the violence of the ongoing drugwar. It made me furious , so furious and disappointed I cut my big brother off. I have two nieces , Ximena and Sarahi both whom I've never met thanks to my brothers status in the mafia.

    As for me , I've always felt I stayed far enough from that life to be safe.
 
    Boy was I wrong .

       All it took was to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and I was deeper than I could even comprehend. It took one look from one narsasictic sociopath , just one look for him to decide I was pretty enough to be his wife. Once he had his mind set , I had no say in my future. I was to sacrifice my life to save my family from retaliation. The retaliation that would come if I rejected the marriage proposal that was presented to me. As for my husband and his arrogant family , they all felt they were doing me a favor. They swear to God they  "saved" me . My life was so tragic without them . I was poor , and uneducated in their eyes ; little did they know that before they barged into my life I was rich . I was rich in many ways. First off I didn't ow anyone anything. Maybe our home was small and run down but it was ours. Daddy bought it working long days in the fields making an honest living , earning honest money.  Second off I was happy and free. I never needed 10 men and a possessive husband taking care of my every step. Lastly , before I met them , I got to sleep in peace knowing that my soul was clean and my heart meant no harm to anyone. All that suddenly changed when i was forced to leave my home and become a wife.

    A wife to a man I never loved.  As a matter of fact I've never hated anyone more than my husband. Sadly he was the only one who never understood that .