Second Shot (Bastille)

18: I needed you to be her second shot.

*Dans POV*

Earlier

A gentle knock at the door interrupted my one-sided conversation with Alfie. Flashing one last, cheeky grin, I placed him down on the mat that was sprawled across the floor before crossing the room and opening the door.

"Hey, god I'm sorry I'm so late, lunch took a couple of twists and turns" Liv explained flusteredly before looking over my shoulder and rushing over to Alfie, scooping him up and chatting to him with a cheerful smile on her face.

"So, lunch was interesting?" I asked, sitting next to Liv while she rocked Alfie to sleep.

"You could say that. It started fine, a little awkward but then it got better; mum seemed genuinely guilty for kicking me out and it appeared to me that she wanted to see Alfie and you know... Be a grandmother but then, I don't even know what I said, she suddenly changed her mind and it went back to being uncomfortable. But I'm not worrying about her anymore, I'm just focusing on one thing, my little man here" She gently brushed her fingers over Alfie's head, watching him lovingly while he slept soundly.
We sat in silence for a while, the strange family structure creating a bizarre atmosphere around the room. Liv must have felt it too as she chuckled quietly to herself before speaking again.
"It's funny. This. Us. To other people we probably look normal parents with their kid."

"Yeah, normal, imagine that" I laughed to myself brushing my hair out of my face, Liv smiled sweetly before meeting my glance.

"I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you doing this. I don't know where I'd be without your help."

"Liv you don't have to-"

"Yes I do." Liv took a tight hold of my hand, her precisely painted nails burying into my palm. "I couldn't do this on my own. You're a real hero." And then, before I had a chance to reply, before I could take in the movements that were happening around me, Livs lips were pressed against mine and her hand was on the back of my head, stopping me from pulling away. Forcing my eyes shut, I hoped that everything would disappear, that I would wake up under the soft protection of a duvet with Freddie by me and that this was just a scary alternative universe I was dreaming about.

But to my dismay, when I opened my eyes I found myself still sat on the sofa, mine and Livs lips still locked together- like two pieces of two different puzzles that shouldn't fit but do- and I saw Freddie frozen in the doorway, a defeated darkness shadowing her face.
Jumping to my feet, I put as much space between me and Liv, even though I knew it was pointless; the damage had already been done, the image had already been burned into Freddie's memory.

"Not the type to be in love with two girls at once huh?" She asked disbelievingly, almost as if I had just told her that one plus two equalled one hundred.
I let my mouth hang open, praying that some words- the right words- would tumble off my tongue and fix the mess that was sprawled across the floor, yet nothing came, all I had was disconnected and fragmented sentences that were cut off by Freddie's fed-up and hopeless tone telling me "No. I've had enough of people telling me to listen to their excuses. I'm not letting myself being taken for granted again. I'm not being seen as something everyone can walk all over."
Again. All of a sudden I imagined the amount of times Rowan must have told Freddie that he 'didn't mean it', 'was only looking out for her' and 'it wouldn't happen again'. All the excuses he used to manipulate Freddie and keep her to himself.
I couldn't make her stand here and let me try and persuade her what had happened was okay and forgivable so as she shrugged and walked away, I didn't do anything to stop her.

A minute of silence was all I had to realise how much I had messed up until Sams voice sounded from the doorway.
"What the fuck are you playing at Dan?" Her tone wasn't angry like I had expected, it didn't feel like she was spitting fire at me, instead she seemed more bewildered than anything. Her brows were furrowed intensely as she tried to work out what she had just seen.

"Can I have a chance to talk?" Liv asked politely, edging towards me but stopping when I made an obvious step backwards.

"I think your mouth's done enough here actually." Now I heard the fury; flames flicking off Sams tongue, burning anyone who was in her way.

"I guess I'll be going then" Liv uttered sheepishly.

"No. We're not done." I told her sharply. "Sam, can we..." I motioned towards the door where we stepped into the hallway and I let Sam talk.

"You had one job Dan. All I needed you to do was show Freddie that not every guy would shit all over her... I needed you to be her second shot." I nodded slowly but not meeting Sams eyes, disappointed in myself for letting both girls down.

"What should I do?" I asked ignorantly.

"Just give it some time. I dunno, she might not want to let go, like with Rowan at first however... Maybe after holding onto him for so long she might just... I'm not sure" She might just give up and move on. Again I nodded. "You're not the worst person in the world Dan, just remember that and know that Freddie certainly doesn't think that 'kay?" A final nod and Sam turned around, disappearing into her apartment.

"Dan, I'm so sorry" Liv begged, moving beside me and putting an apologetic hand on my arm.

"Sorry? Is that all you can say?" I spat, brushing her off me "You wanna tell me what the hell that was about? Did you think that just because I let you back into my life we'd be living some kind of White Pickett Fence Happy Family Fairy-tale? Because I just want to remind you that; you had that chance and you fucked it up all because I didn't shower you in diamond coated affection." 

"Hey, calm down. It was just a kiss okay?-" 

"No. Don't you dare excuse yourself but saying that, because for Freddie it's much more than that. She's been through so much, more than you can imagine, and it's taken her real strength to move past it. Now, this- this is going to set her right back. So no it's not just a kiss." 

"Are you done?" 

"Far from it, but still, you may as well leave" For a minute, Liv stood her ground before holding her hands up in surrender and leaving me alone, drowning in my regretful thoughts.