About 3 weeks

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It's been about 3 weeks since I've gotten bad (2 weeks and 6 days,actually.)
2 weeks and 3 days since I curled up on my friends couch for an hour and silently cried to myself
1 week and 6 days since I started taking my sleeping pills at 6:00 instead of 8:00 so maybe I can sleep through the pain
1 week since I had a panic attack because someone touched my shoulder
2 days since I had my last angry outburst
1 day since I chainsmoked a pack of cigarettes
0 minutes since I smoked a cigarette (I'm smoking one now,currently)
I just kind of wait for the days I get bad,if that makes any sense
So I know to distance myself
And to not reply to messages
So I know to get a blanket and stay in bed all day because I have no doubt in my mind that I won't get up
I think I forgot to eat yesterday
Its really not a big deal though,I've been doing it a lot recently
I've just become content with my depression
It's encompassed me in its cocoon of sadness
I stopped taking my meds because I have to take them with food and I've lost my appetite
I haven't been to school in three weeks
I'm down to 123 lbs
I haven't really had the motivation to do anything
I guess it's getting bad again

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