We were good at playing pretend.
He sat across the room from me, leg bouncing beneath his desk. The pen in his hand had been incessantly clicked for the past 5 minutes.
He was better at this then I was. Not once did he ever glance back, or so much as breathe in my direction.
Not while anyone was around. I didn't exist, and he was in his own little world.
But when I would pack up my things, preparing to escape the confines of my university for the day, I could feel his eyes on me. Only for a moment.
I was another story,
I was constantly paying attention to his actions. I always wanted to know if he had dark circles under his eyes or if he was behind on his art work, or if that shirt he was wearing was one I had given him.
I could never figure out if I observed him out of habit, or if I really just missed him that much.
He had to miss me too. There's no way he could forget it all.
The initial meeting at the concert for a band that we both still loved. The day he wandered into class late, and his comforting dark eyes latched onto mine.
When the lecture had ended, and he approached me with a gentle, dimpled smile.
''Hey. Weren't you at the concert last weekend?"
I had nodded a little too quickly, anticipating his question the entire class. "Yeah. That-that was me."
An amused expression danced across his features. And that's where the magic started.
For the next year after that, we were in a whirlwind.
It had all happened so quickly. I felt it.
We both did.
We had gone from strangers to darlings in no time at all.
The fast rise had made the steep fall that much more painful.
On this particular day, I was in no mood to deal with the stream of conflicting emotions that were constantly flowing through my body. As quickly as I could, I gathered my things, haphazardly putting away my new laptop and headphones. In my effort to quickly remove myself from the room, I had disconnected from my actual surrounding and focused on my inner dialogue that consisted of:
“Don’t look over at him. Don’t look over at him. Don’t look over at him.”
And also:
“Just walk. Breathe and walk.”
I was successfully halfway through the door when I was jolted sideways. Snapping myself out of it, I immediately realized what had happened.
“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! I was in my own world. I didn’t-.” My insides nearly strangled themselves at the sight of him. His jet black hair had grown curlier and the eyelashes curled up around his warm chocolate eyes appeared longer.
Of course. I ran straight into the person I had been trying to avoid for the past 7 weeks.
I handed him his things with shaky hands. “I-I gotta go.”
“Uuugh!” I groaned to myself, aggressively pushing open the double doors that led to the courtyard. Whatever. As long as I’m almost home.
The campus looked the way it usually did. Students were spread out all over the place, Starbucks cups in hand. They crowded around food trucks and kiosks, searching for a quick fix before the study sessions that would consume the rest of their afternoons. Small groups sat on blankets in the grass despite the militant winds that were currently whipping my hair all around my head.
I missed hanging out after class. Since Calum and I had called it quits, everyone I used to hang out with reminded me of him. Everyone would always inquire as to what happened or why we weren’t together anymore. To tell them the truth would mean that I would have to confess that…I didn’t know.
It had all fallen apart one day, and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t put it back together.
* * *
The weeks went by faster than usual, and the end of the school year was rapidly approaching. Since the weather had warmed up and the skies were clear, I decided to sit outside and get a little work done.
I chose a quiet corner away from an oh-so exciting game of ultimate Frisbee that was taking place in the middle of the courtyard. I set aside my lunch and reached inside my bag for my laptop. As I clicked it on and began to type in my password, a shadow hovered over me. Thinking it was my former best friend, Lizzie, asking if I wanted to go to a party with her, I quickly declined.
“I’m sorry, but I’m super busy right now. Could you-.” My words slipped away from me as I came face to face…with him.
‘C-Calum. Hey? Did you need something?” He shrugged and took it upon himself to take a seat right across from me.
“Nah, not really.” A stiff silence engulfed us both. He cleared his throat and continued. “Actually, yeah, there is something I wanted.” I watched with a racing heart as he dug around in his pocket. Moments later, he protruded a crumpled sheet of paper. He unfolded it and turned it to face me.
My mouth was suddenly a desert.
Before me was a poster for the band that I had gone to see last year. On the night that I had met Calum for the first time.
Trying to buy a bit of time, I reached for my cup and took a large gulp
“W-why are you showing me this?”
He drew his shoulders up again and inadvertently batted his eyelashes at me.
“Dunno. It made me think of you.”
I became ridiculously overheated, and I couldn’t tell if it was because of the sun or the threat of my repressed emotions springing to life after all this time.
“That’s…sweet, I guess. Are you going?”
“I haven’t actually thought that far ahead. But if I do, maybe I’ll run into another incredibly gorgeous girl, standing alone, making me fall for her with every passing second. And maybe the following week, she’ll turn up in my art class and have me convinced that she’s the one for me.”
I was gaping at him. He remembered it all, too. Every single bit of it. It wasn’t just me who sat around all day, reliving and memorizing every detail of our meeting.
No.
He did it, too.
After awhile, he inhaled sharply and mustered up a half smile.
“But I guess I can’t get that lucky twice, eh?” As he went to stand, my senses went into overdrive.
“Calum, wait!” My cheeks were set a blaze as I realized I had accidentally shouted at him. He jumped in response.
“Sorry. I-I just think that…I don’t know. We can work this out, right? It’s been so long. I thought you were over me by now, and you might be. I’m not sure. But I do know that I miss you. I miss us. What we had was real, Calum. I know I’m not going to find it with anyone else.”
He lowered himself back onto the bench and stretched his arm across the table. I took his hand and gazed at him.
“I still love you.” This time, his beautiful face glowed with a proper smile.
“I love you, too.”
______
I finally finished it! Apologizing already for an grammatical errors because I'm easily distracted by things and probably didn't notice something was wrong.
Hope you enjoy!
xxx
