I was six when I left, six when I left my mom and the only friends I knew to live with my grandma. Unfortunately it happened so fast. One minute I was asked the question if I wanted to go. And the next I was on an airplane headed to Minnesota. But the only thing I couldn't stop thinking about was you. You with your dark hair and your amazing smile. I may have only been six, but we were inseparable. The best friends, I wonder if I had stayed would we have been more? If I had said goodbye, would we still have talked? Exchanged numbers and kept in touch. Would we have seen each other or would we have fallen out. Those thoughts still keep me up to this day. It shouldn't, we were little kids, but you were the only person that made me feel important when I felt I had no one. You held my small hand in your only slightly bigger one. You ignored the other kids teasing, for me. You were my protector. But I'll always remember your beautiful smile, your warm hand in mine. And I wish I had said goodbye. Cause maybe if I had closure, my heart would ache so deeply after 10 years. You were my lifeline back then, always on the look out for me. Always ready to hear whatever story I had come up with. I knew you had a crush on me, I had one on you as well. But little kids are often shy about that.
I have memories of the two of us together. How your little face would turn red if I talked to another boy. If I asked someone else for help instead of you. How you needed to be by me. And when we were both line leaders you would stick out your hand to me to make sure we held hands and stayed together. I wish there was something I could have done. Something I could have said. A note to write to you. All I know is you cried when you heard I left, you cried more that I left without a goodbye. Goodbye's are hard as is. But that question you always feel in your gut is worse. That what if. What would have been said, what would have been shared. What would have happened If I had said goodbye to you. Said it so you knew I'd miss you. It's strange how you still penetrate my thoughts. How I'm thinking about you all the time. How I feel the need to wonder how you look like now. Are you still gangly? or did you grow into yourself. Are you popular or a nerdy kid that sits in the corner. Afterall what I'm trying to say is, I wish I had said Goodbye.
