You Got Me Suicidal (Onodera x Takano)

Chapter 1: Scars

First off before you start reading, yes, I know that the show started in 2011 and it's 2017 right now. I just finished watching it a couple months ago. But if you're still a fan even after this many years, here's a fanfic for you. And also, I created this in like 2 days, so it's not the best, trust me.

This story involves: self-harm, depression, and sexual content.

Enjoy!

Onodera's POV

It hurts. It hurts seeing him everyday with Yokozawa. Ever since I punched Takano on the jaw, him and Yokozawa have been officially going out, but privately of course. I would see them being around each other more often, occasionally a kiss in the lobby. But I could never bare the thought of confronting Takano.

"Ritsu!" I heard someone shout. My head turned to the voice to see Kisa with a worried look, but also slightly amused.

"What's so funny?" I asked. He looked down to the desk. My eyes followed his gaze to see the word 'f***' written several times. I immediately crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it into a trash can.

"Why'd you write that?" He asked curiously. He propped his head on the desk using his hand as a platform. I turned back to my computer, staring at the blank document which was meant for a proposal due in three days.

"Guess I just have something going on. I don't really know," I answered, but even the most gullible person wouldn't buy that lie.

"Okay, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"Yeah, sure," I answered, typing the word 'the' into the document.

When I was nearly about halfway finished with the proposal, I could hear them talking nearby. Keeping my head straight, I averted my eyes to Takano's desk to see him with a smile. My heart just cracked a little more. Even I couldn't make him genuinely smile like how Yokozawa could. I looked down, then back over to them. Yokozawa was whispering something into Takano's ear. Takano nodded his head in agreement to whatever he said. As if he could sneak it, Yokozawa planted a kiss onto Takano's head.

I stood from my seat. Everyone around me, including Yokozawa and Takano, looked at me. Instead of saying something, I walked away. I had to get my head straight again. I rushed down the hall and into the bathroom. I sat on a toilet, putting my head in my hands.

Why do I have to like Takano like this? I wish I could say it wasn't my choice, but I can't. Everything that happened was my fault. From the time that he first left me ten years ago to the time I punched him in the face. It was all my fault. I hurt him. Now he's going out with someone he said that he didn't love like how he does with me.

With tears cascading down my cheeks, I lift the sleeve of my left arm. Though it was ten years ago, the scars are still there, the time when I attempted suicide. Of course no one else but my family knows, but if they knew the real reason, they'd probably really send me to a psychiatric ward just for liking someone of the same gender. As I think about those past thoughts mixed with the thoughts I have now, it feels like I have no choice right now.

I wiped my eyes with my other sleeve, rolling down the other one. No one can ever know about that. When I felt like my face and eyes were back to normal, I finally exited the stall. I reached to the sink only to see Takano washing his hands himself. I tried my best to ignore him, but he wouldn't have any of it.

"Why did you exit like that earlier?" He asked. A slight touch of annoyance filled his voice, but he was trying to cover it up with worry.

"I just had to use the restroom," I said, but my voice cracked.

"Onodera," he suddenly said. I was going to look up at him, but he already had me pinned to the sinks. I tried to keep my head down in case my eyes were still a little red, but he put a finger under my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. They were filled with hurt. Even I couldn't stand to see him like this. I couldn't handle the fact that I was the one causing him to be hurt.

"Why were you crying?" He asked, removing a hand and rubbed his thumb along my lip. I could only stare back at him. How could I answer that?

"It's none of your concern," I said, raising my voice. I slapped his hands away, escaping from his grasp. "By the way, I'm going to continue to work on this at home. I'll see you tomorrow."

Before I could exit, he grabbed a hold of my wrist. His finger slipped into the sleeve, but quickly retrieved it. It was the wrist where I attempted. He must've felt it. His eyes widened as he raised my sleeve.

"Takano!" I shouted, pulling my arm back and rolling my sleeve back down.

"What the hell was that?" He sternly asked, pressing me up against the door. When I didn't answer, he grabbed a hold of my wrist again, rolling the sleeve up and staring intently at the scars. He looked back up to me with sorrowful eyes. They didn't have their usual sparkle; they were dull and seemed emotionless. "Why?"

"It was years ago. It doesn't matter now," I said, trying to make up any excuse possible.

"Why?" He repeated, more angrily this time. I was terrified of what he was going to do next. He was at least three centimeters away from my face.

"If I were to tell you, you'd just be disappointed."

"Tell me!" He hollered, probably loud enough for the whole building to hear.

"Ten years ago after you left me. I was in such a depressed mood for months, until one day I couldn't handle it anymore. You were there with Yuki, then you guys kissed. And I couldn't," I had to bite my lip to force the tears not to flow out like waterworks. I could taste the metallic liquid of blood seeping through my lip.

What he did next was unexpected. He hugged me. For once since he's gone out with Yokozawa, it felt nice to have him embrace me.

Yokozawa...

I pushed him away. He looked at me surprised.

"Y-You're going out with Yokozawa. You can't do anything like that with me."

When he took a step back, I finally had the chance to open the door. I escaped. I ran down the corridor, entering an elevator, pressing the ground floor button. Maybe I should just stop. Cease to exist. That'll make everyone happy, won't it?