Back and better than ever

Chapter 26

Karisma pov

I just stared at it. Praying that this was just a joke. That down there laying in that grave wasn't Alessandro.

I just stared at it blankly. Then my eyes focused on the words.

               In memory of Alessandro Russo
              A beloved father and husband
               Nov 12 1996 -  April 22 2017

All though we didn't get married I asked if they could put husband because in my heart we were already married.

I slowly placed the white rose on the hard rock stone. Knowing that the color white was his favorite color. I stood up slowly and sighed.

" hi there mi amore " my voice cracked and I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to continue.

" it's been so long huh? " I stayed silent letting the cold breeze pass through my hair.

" I miss you ! " tears were falling by this point.

" I miss you so much, I need you, I need your comfort. I crave for your touch. To hug you. I miss your laugh. I miss everything about you. I just want you here with me. To make everything much more easier. My life has completely fallen apart ale. And you were right I still love him." I chuckled.

" I still love that bastard , because for some reasons my heart won't let him go. But it's too late because he doesn't love me anymore. " I sighed as I rubbed my face.

" I lost him !" I whispered with a shaky voice.
" I lost both of them "

" and the thing is that they won't listen to me. They won't let me explain what happened!"

" but I know that you'll listen to me. And I need to get this out of my chest. I need to lift this weight off my shoulders. So here I go. " with one last breathe I let it all out.

" after your death I couldn't find myself anymore. I felt empty. So for Jett's sake I left him with derrick for about a week I think I don't remember. I left him with derrick because I didn't want him to see me in the state I was in. I wanted to be with Blake but as myself. I didn't want to be sad and heartbroken. I wanted to be happy and outgoing for Blake. But after the week was over I still felt empty. So I left Blake with his father for 5 months. For 5 months ale. I was suppose to come back in those 5 months. But I didnt.  I left to that trip in the first place so I could find my soul. I visited many places and in all those places I wrote Blake letters. I wrote him a letter everyday. But I never had the courage to send them." By this time I was sobbing. Tears were pouring down really fast and I could hardly speak.

" I am such a terrible mother ale. I mean who leaves there child for crying out loud." I felt as If i couldn't continue but I had to. I needed to let it all out.

" when the 5 months were over I was ecstatic. I was so happy I couldn't wait to get home to my baby. The first thing I did was pack my bags and hop on that plane. The plane that would take me to my little bunny. On the plane we heard the monitor come on. We were confused on what was happening until we felt the plane crashing down. I thought my life was over. Until I woke up in the hospital. About 300 people died and only 5 survived including me. During the time i was in England. So after the plane crash they took us back to England. We were taken to the hospital and into surgery immediately. After I woke up I was confused as to why I was at the hospital. Until the doctor came in and told me about the plane crash." I took in a sharp breathe and tears poured down fast as I said the next sentence.

" he told me that I was in a coma ! "
" I was in a coma ale for four years! For four fucken years! And in those four years I lost my baby. He thought I abandoned him when I would never in my god dam right mind ever do that.! My baby hates me ale , he hates me. He hates me so much he won't even look at me. " I broke down to the ground and cried my heart out. I just cried. And cried.

" I'm sick ale. I feel so weak. I feel like I'm going to die. Today I went to the doctors and I was diagnosed with ACD. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I'm all alone. And I'm afraid that I won't be able to do this all alone. "

" I just want to die ale. To not live in pain anymore. I won't be worried about Blake. Because I know that his father and scarlet would take good care of him. They would protect him and not let anything bad happen to him. I will always be with him. Because everywhere he goes they would be a part of me going with him. To protect him. I would watch over him and Derrick. I know that they would do just fine without me. Oh and I saw Mel! All though we didn't talk she is just beautiful. She seems like such a sweet girl. " I looked at the time and noticed that I'd been here for two hours.

I got up and brushed the dust off my pants.
" I'll see you soon mi amore. Ill come visit you again. Goodbye." I kissed my fingers and pressed it against the grave. Tears were still coming out as I turned around to leave.

But I stood frozen as I turned around to stare into shocked eyes.

" Derrick "