Of Lions, Wolves, and Dragons (Jon Snow)

44. The Wildlings

Plans had been made and they would be leaving Castle Black that day.  Joellyn was going to be traveling with Jon, Sansa, and Davos to the Northern houses to try to recruit houses to their cause.  More houses behind their cause meant more fighting men to help them win back Winterfell.  Joellyn still had reservations about what she was really going to be able to do to help win more Northern houses to their cause, but she wanted to be with Sansa, wherever Sansa went.

Brienne and Podrick were faced with a different task.  Sansa, whether she knew from Ramsay or from Littlefinger, knew that her uncle had amassed Tully forces at Riverrun.  Neither Sansa nor Jon were comfortable with the idea of simply sending a letter to the Blackfish to ask for help.  There was too great a risk that it would be interceted by Ramsay or any of the Bolton men.  Since it was too great a risk, Sansa was sending Brienne and Podrick to Riverrun to talk to the Blackfish directly.  Sansa believed that her uncle would listen to Brienne, and Brienne grudgingly agreed to go.

Everyone that had gathered in the dining hall agreed to pack up some supplies and gather back down in the courtyard in about an hour so that they could head on their respective journies.  As Joellyn stood and followed Brienne and Sansa to leave the dining hall, she felt someone grab her arm.  She jumped in surprise and turned to see that Jon was the one wanting her attention.

Her sudden stop surprised Brienne and Sansa, as they both turned around to check on her just as Jon let go of her arm.  Sansa asked, "Do you want us to wait on you, Joellyn."

Joellyn looked back at Jon for a moment before returning her attention to Sansa and Brienne saying, "No, I will not be far behind.  Go ahead without me, I'm sure you need to discuss plans about recruiting the Tully's anyway."

Brienne nodded and she and Sansa continued on their way out.  Joellyn noticed that Sansa looked back over her shoulder at Joellyn and Jon one more time, but she tried to ignore that as she turned to face Jon.

As Davos, Tormund, and Melisandre followed behind Brienne and Sansa, Joellyn asked him, "Yes, Jon?"

Jon looked down at his feet as he said, "I was short with you when you suggested that Dorne might help," then looked up at her again as he said, "I shouldn't have been."

Joellyn shrugged and said, "You have a lot to worry about.  I wasn't offended.  I just..."  But she chose to trail off her words then.  Jon was worried about a lot right now.  She didn't need to bother him with her insecurities about what purpose she would really serve on this journey.

Jon was too perceptive and caring to let that pass though, and prodded her to continue, "You just, what?"

She sighed and shook her head, "I just feel like I don't belong, but you have too much to worry about.  You don't need to be concerned with me feeling out of place and useless."  As she said it, she saw Jon's eyes fill with confusion.

Jon shook his head and said, "You're not out of place, and you're certainly not useless.  The Bolton's sided with the Lannisters and you left the Lannisters.  You can provide another perspective for the houses that are hesistant.  Besides, Sansa wants you here..."  He seemed to struggle with words for a moment before looking in her eyes and saying, "And I do too."

Joellyn felt her heart speed up and worked to maintain steady breathing as she said, "And I want to be with you," then realized what she said and added quickly, "With both of you."  Not comfortable with the silence that fell over them, Joellyn said softly, "I should go get ready to leave," and excused herself.

Stepping out of the dining hall into the cold air, she took a deep breath to steady herself and walked down the stairs to head toward the living quarters.  As she walked through the hallway to her room, she worked to calm herself.  She was going to be traveling with Jon.  She could not let herself get so nervous and anxious around him.  She reflected that the only time she really got nervous or anxious was when they were alone together.  She was just going to have to be more careful to not be alone with him, which should be easy to avoid on this trip.  Jon, Davos, and Tormund would be talking about battle strategies a lot, and Sansa would be joining them to talk about how to recruit the other Northern houses.