With Love, Diana ✅

Dear Jason,

Dear

Jason,

I wish I could write to you what I wrote to Nick. I wish that more than anything. 'Cause we were best friends once weren't we, Jace? Or was that one of your cleverly planned schemes too?

Guess what? I don't want to know the answer to that because I still want to love the guy I grew up with. The guy who befriended two outcasts because they suited his weirdness, who couldn't stand to see anyone cry, who was the first to offer help to anyone and everyone (strangers included) and the guy who was my crush since middle school because even when he teased and taunted me, he was forever a gentleman. I need some good memories to take with me to the grave, after all.

Jace, if even a shred of that guy is alive in you, tell him I miss him and I love him.

And I think if we hadn't started dating, none of this would've happened. 'Cause best friends are supposed to be best friends, nothing more. Yes, I know I was crushing after you, but it would've faded away if we had just let it be.

I am not blaming you or anything; it was as much my fault as it was yours. But really, why did you ask me out? There were so many beautiful girls, girls who would do anything for you because even when we were in middle school, you managed to charm everyone with your chivalry. But no, you didn't ask any of them. Instead you asked me, the girl with braces and geeky glasses, out.

So we started dating and the best part was that it didn't harm our friendship. Nick and you still hung out at my place, we still had those outrageous sleepover games and our inside jokes never lost its essence. And I had the time of my life, never realizing how precious and fragile it was.

And that's how our middle school days passed with us falling in 'love' and making the best of everything. But then came the day when everything fell apart. I didn't tell you about some sort of secret I don't even remember right now. You got to know about that from somebody else and you became furious because I had 'lied' to you. But the truth is I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you it existed because I didn't realize it had anything to do with our relationship.

Even Nicholas didn't know about it. When you came barging in, wanting to know about my secret, that's when Nick found out too. But he didn't create hell over me not telling him, he understood why I hadn't told him and I needed you to understand too. Instead you said that you need 'space' because you couldn't bear the fact that someone you loved had lied to you.

And I yielded to your request. Hoping against hope that you would come back and we could put this behind us. I guess I should've made a scene. Or apologized, or should've done anything other than letting you walk away. But the thing is I had faith in US.

Guess what? I was wrong about that too. A week later when Nick and I went to the library to get some of our home work done, I decided to get some storybooks too. But out of the blue, Nick started tugging on my sleeve whining about how the library was too much for him and he need to get out. And I would've along with him but he kept sneaking glances behind us. So I turned around and voila!

You were making out with a girl in my Chemistry class. I tried to turn away but it felt like my feet were glued to the ground. Nick coughed to let you know about my presence and when you looked up, cliché as it sounds, the world stopped. And you looked up to me and said,

"Don't look at me like that. You didn't care when I broke up with you. Hell, you didn't even cry!"

And you pushed the girl away and stormed off.

Why were you angry, Jace? Because you had been caught or because your perfect image was now ruined?

Nick steered me away from the scene but I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. You had said that intentionally, hadn't you? 'Cause you knew how much it would prick me! Yes, I didn't cry but you couldn't have honestly believed that it didn't hurt me.

You were there when mom and dad got divorced! You saw how I struggled with it without showing any emotion! You consoled me then!! What happened to that guy, huh, Jace? He would know how awful I felt just by hearing my voice or looking at me. He used to give up his sleep to keep my nightmares at bay. Tell you what, Jace, that guy meant the world to me. Now, I don't even know you anymore.

But you were wrong. I cared when you broke up with me. I was devastated. But I didn't go after you because I blamed me. Because I thought it was my fault and you were right to be angry. Ask Nick how much I cared.

And do you know what happened after you turned your back on our five years of friendship? The girl you kissed came running after us and apologized. She said that you had told her that we broke off on mutual agreement because we both liked different people.

Guess what was my next reaction? I hugged Nick tightly and buried my face in his shirt and started shaking. Do you remember how once you were included in this huddle, Jace?

Anyway, Nick being Nick didn't say anything. He just kept holding me tightly and stroked my hair till I calmed down. And then kissing my forehead he left me for class. Or so he told. But he didn't go to class, did he?

He went after you and that's why you sported the black eye and busted lip the next day at school, isn't it? I am so sorry for that, Jace! But trust me; what you felt then was hundred times better than I felt.

So Jace, I guess this is goodbye but know that I never stopped loving you and Drew was just my way of self-destruction.

And get back with Nick. He misses you too.

With Love,

Diana

P.S- I still wear that hoodie that I won off you when we went to that amusement. Somehow, it took your place as my solace.