What if? The Word Of Wonder

If

What if?  That word is full of wonder. If I could go back in time to change something, what would it be? I believe that things happen for a reason and that you should learn from the mistakes you make, but my biggest mistake, was that I wasn't there when the person that I mostly loved was taken from me.

You see my Grandmother, also known as Nanny, died of cancer a few years ago. She was my everything and I just wish that I could go back and tell her that I am going to make her proud by doing what she always encouraged me to do, and that was to be myself and never give up on my dreams. 

I wish with all my heart that I could go back and see her face smiling at me as I sang for her and watched as she smiled and told me that when I grew up that I was going to be an amazing singer. 

The worse part was the day we where going up there to see her again was the day she left us. I was mad and angry at her for leaving us but I knew it wasn't her fault. My mom had told me that she said she didn't want us to see her like that, weak and helpless, but I couldn't help but cry. Cried for the times I told her I loved her, cried for the times that she would laugh, and cried for the times she would smile and it would light up the whole room.

Since that day on, I have told myself that if I ever had a chance to go back in time to change something, it wouldn't be to not date this guy or to not go to this place, it would be to go back in time and say one thing.

I love you with all my heart and no matter how weak you are or how much you cant do with me anymore. You are my forever and always, and I will always look up to you, even though you were shorter then me. You will always be the beautiful and independent woman that I admired and in my eyes you were never weak or bad in any way, you were you and that was all I ever wanted.

Even though if  is a word of wonder, you will always know the answer in the end.