Always and Forever

13 -Out in the Open

Is it crazy that in the weeks since Janet and I have been intimate, I've felt different? Sure, the usual learning of the new, intense sensations and now experiencing sexual satisfaction has it effects but... my mind has shifted in a way. It was like now I truly felt something more. What Marvin Gaye sings about in Sexual Healing, or Teddy Pendergrass in Turn Off The Lights... and let's not forget about Anita Baker in Sweet Love. It's the feeling of being with that special person in such a intimate, yet vulnerable way. Loving the way they  make you feel physically, mentally and emotionally in that moment. Sharing the love in such a way that it gives you a rush you can't explain but you have to feel it.. over and over again. Honestly It felt like I've been starving until I got a taste of Janet's love, attention and affection. Now I can't get enough of her and I need more.. A lot more. Maybe I'm just young and blown away by taking things further with my sexuality but I know what I'm feeling is more than just physical. And when I listen to those slow, sensual r&b songs, I can feel the lyrics in ways I didn't before. And it's becoming too much to hide my new found happiness in this relationship from my family. Even though Janet says she understands and she does, it's still not fair to her. Although I wanted to wait, I don't think I can take keeping my feelings hidden for much longer...

I sigh as I stopped writing in my journal and close it. I had to be at work in a few and Janet was on her way to drop me off before she had to take care of some business. I stash my journal in my new hiding spot and then sit at my vanity to fix up my hair and do some light makeup. I wasn't exactly thrilled about work but looking nice helped me have more of an encouragement to go.
As I was doing my eyeliner, my sister Towanda peeked her head in my room. She was snacking on some crackers and being her usual nosey self

"Getting dolled up for work sis ?" She asked coming in a bit further.

"Not really dolled up but I'm just doing some liner and lipgloss. You need something?" I asked looking at her through the mirror. I put my liner down and check to make sure it was done correctly.

"Nope, just popping in. Has daddy taken your car to the shop yet?"

"He did and they think I might need a new transmission but I can't afford that right now, but I'm saving up. Plus I'm getting all the hours I can now because once school is back, I'll have to cut back yet again. "

"Yeeeeeahh, you know mommy isn't gonna let you work long hours during the school week. That's a no go for her. But it seems Janet doesn't mind helping you get around some.
She's always scooping you up. I wish I had friends who did that."

Umba chuckled as she ate another cracker. The word friend and Janet in the same sentence just did something to me. I wanted to say more but I let it go. I could tell she was trying to snoop and see if I would tell her about what Janet and I do but I was on to her.

"She's a nice person and believe me, I make sure I help her with gas or something more than just sitting in her passenger seat. " I said as I popped my lips after applying my gloss. I was being honest, even though Janet always said I didn't have too, I would contribute just because. I know it takes money to do things and my girlfriend wasn't my ATM or my free ride. If I got it, she got it. And vice versa.

"Well your good friend just pulled up outside, have a good day at work." Towanda giggled as she walked to her room. I look out my window and wave at Jan before I grabbed my purse and head downstairs and out to her jeep. Saying goodbye to the rest of my siblings and my mother in the living room. When I reached Janet's jeep, I immediately hop in and give her a kiss on the lips. She smiled as she looked me in my eyes briefly. Just smiling at me.