Funeral In The Sky

Chapter 5: Old Town

There is something conflicting about hometowns. They can make you feel nostalgic and happy to be back after being away for so long, but at the same time they can also make you feel sad and angry that you want to runaway the very moment you arrive.

Both feelings bring forth the tears and you wonder why. But maybe it's because you literally grew up there that the place had seen almost every important moment of your existence. It was where many memories were formed, happy and sad ones altogether. And even though you might have forgotten about those memories, the truth is they have permanently occupied the deepest part of your heart without you realizing it. That's why when you visit the old place those memories will resurface, bringing forth both the pleasant and unwelcome feelings associated with them.

In my case right now, stepping back to this town brings back a combination of both, but it has mostly made the unwanted feelings that I have fought so hard to forget resurface once again.

Green Meadows. The origin of the name really puzzles me. Anyone who hears the name will automatically imagine a blanket of greenery with lush bushes next to a beautiful river, or a meadow with lots of flowers and butterflies of different colors and sizes. Anyone will imagine a town full of life.

But you see, it's the contrary.

Because full of life is the last thing to describe this town.

At least for me.

The town is small. It only has one church, one hospital, one shopping center, one lousy park, and three schools. And then there are those six grocery stores which are owned by our family.

Having such establishments, though isn't bad for a small town. But even though it's not like those ghost towns you see in horror movies it's still somehow deprived of life. It possesses this awful aura of emptiness that I always feel whenever I'm near the place, like I cannot explain how but it's smothering me, extinguishing the tiny bit of joy I have left.

But maybe it's just me. Because I loathe the place. And I hate the people living here. I never like their twisted customs and way of thinking. The system is despicable. And the local government is beyond intolerable.

The houses in this town are divided by the social status of the owners. Those owned by the rich are built in the east side and those that housed the poor are built in the west.

The setup really bothers me but the mayor insists this is for security purposes. Yeah right. It's only another way of saying that all poor people are robbers and the local government is just trying to protect the rich families' wealth from them because, well that is the only thing of great importance to this town. They couldn't care less for the poor, couldn't care less for the weak.

Like I said, this is not a happy place. And it has nothing to do with the fact that there are no movie theatres or clubs here, but because of the people themselves. I hate their ways. It makes me wonder how they are able to live amongst themselves. But perhaps their demented ways are what brings them together.

Discrimination and hypocrisy are rampant among the townspeople. The unspoken rule is to follow their custom no matter how idiotic it is or else you will be the center of gossips, because spreading rumors is their number one hobby here. It is a tradition being passed down from period of antiquity, I believe.

Aside from that, most of the people here are religious. And that makes them suck even more.

Don't get me wrong. I may not be religious and I admit I don't go to church on a regular basis, but I am not an atheist. I believe God exists even though my relationship with Him has crumbled over the years after everything I have gone through. And even if he might be living in such a faraway place that He cannot see what's going on, cannot hear the cries of His people, and refuses to do something about their misery, I still believe that somewhere out there, HE exists.

But the thing about these religious people here is that they are the total opposite of what they preach. They never feed the hungry, they shoo them away. The director of the hospital who is a regular church goer refuses to offer medical help to families who don't have the money to pay for the hospital bill. Most of them, my aunt Mathilda included, will never spare a penny to a beggar but will never have second thoughts in donating huge sums of money to the church for recognition.

They are so full of themselves. And thinking they are always right, they  never leave any room for argument. They hate those who try to see the flaws in their ways, mocking those who defy them. And they love condemning others who have done some mistakes in their lives. They shun them away, thinking they are better than them because they go to church every Sunday. Because they claim they are closer to God.

But are they? If God is truly real, will He abandon those who need Him most, the sick, the poor and weak for these bunch of righteous idiots?

I hope not.

After what seems like an eternity of staring at the sign on the road, the car finally enters the town. The sensation I feel is immediate. Memories flood my thoughts and I am suddenly enveloped by all kinds of emotion. Sadness, hatred and rage, they are all trying to get out of my chest, clogging my veins and making my heart beat faster in the process. Every turn, every ally brings back a sense of nostalgia that forces my lungs to malfunction temporarily. It feels like my body refuses to accept the intake of air and my breath is caught in my throat, suffocating me, killing me slowly.

As we go deeper to the heart of the town, my breathing slowly comes back to normal, though. Maybe my body has adjusted to the place or maybe it's because we didn't pass by anything that had any direct connection to my life here. After a minute we pass by the town hall and turn right past the park. We pass by some of the houses from the west side and after a couple of turns we finally manage to arrive at our destination.

The dark grey walls aged by time and withered by death, there it is at last, the entry to the cemetery.

My mother's final resting place.