Today I took some pictures of a beautiful hillside landscape. I was up tonight thinking, if I had slipped off and grabbed a tree before falling to my death what would I do with the time I had before I let go? I'm not strong enough to pull myself up, so it's just a matter of how long can I hold. I thought I'd make a video. One for my friends telling them things I know I should tell them. Here's what I thought.
B don't be mad at me. It wasn't on purpose I swear. Anything of value has your name on it. You've been better to me then anyone and I've never done anything to deserve it. You're my closest friend and I know I do a great job of shoving people away, but after everyone left you stayed and I can't thank you enough for that. I remember every time you saved me from a fall just like this, but on my own terms. You've been the light of my life for so long I forgot what darkness felt like. B I love you.
J I love you too, but in a different way. You've been the only person that's ever truly made me take my mind off A. I just wish I would have treated you better. I wish I treated you like the queen you are when I had the chance but I fucked it all up for nothing. J I'm sorry for the wrongs I've done you. If it's any consolation you ended the day with my heart. You and B are two of the most incredible women I've ever known. I'm sorry you ever questioned the way I feel about you, I'm sorry I'm so bad at being a person that likeable. J I'm sorry.
A I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. Just know that I moved on. I loved you for so long that it became a part of who I was, but I love J now. I know you don't care, but I don't want you thinking that I killed myself because I'm in love with you. I've tried that already, a couple times. But don't feel bad. I'm okay now, and i wanted to thank you for teaching me how to love as ugly a journey as that was. A Thank you.
To my mom I'm sorry I never keep you informed. I moved half way across the world and didn't have the decency to send you a text message. You're the best mom I could ever have hoped for. I still hate my step-dad, but I shouldn't have let that effect the relationship we have. Mom I miss you.
I'm sorry for the man I am and the man I would continue to be if I survive this. I'm sorry.
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts
Short StoryThis is basiclly just a little journal for myself. Sometimes I'll just sit up at night and think. Here's what I think about. (Original picture by me)
