24.02.2012
Dear
John,
I never wanted this magnificent thing called love, but you gave it to me. I never wanted to feel like I'm on this on my own as well. I never wanted to watch you walk away and call me crazy. I never wanted to feel what I'm feeling right now. I never wanted anything tossed on my face while you hide your true colors. I never wanted anything. Nothing.
I've fallen on my ugly face, looking around if I could find a beautiful hand to pull me up, but there isn't anyone to make me feel better or wanted as a gift. I'm alone, staring at this plain ceiling wondering whether I deserve to spend any other second breathing, and catching in all the thoughts of the pain I'm feeling.
It's the day you held me in your arms, and never wanted me apart from you. It's beautiful how we connected by the way you looked at me, just the gazing between us got me going crazy. I couldn't feign the happiness though. I felt butterflies crawling up, it stunned me. But it all slowly faded.
The anguish of coming back to you wasn't hard to leave hidden. Reaping my feelings away when I wasn't with you, then a sudden look of you was what made it all appear to life again. What was that, magic? Once you're there and the next you're gone? You hauling me up like I'm higher than the highest mountain, then you flick me around like a rotted egg.
The more I got closer to living my life, you come up and scare me again. It's terrifying how feelings tracking down makes the connection blow out fading smoke everywhere. I'm turning the clocks around to see the storing of this is assent in failure. I couldn't see clearly as the lights dimmed very fast through the dark world.
I honesty thought you were different, but I was wrong. I thought you would be the one for me to marry. I thought a lot about us, I thought fast. Finally I realized how you formulated your act excellently. I'll reprieve this one for later-I'm sure not for long.
I'm never staying to watch anyone walk away. Neither staying to watch anyone hurt me. If there's anyone that's leaving this time-it's me. I'm technically the worst idea of a girl, and that's all I'll ever be.
You've made me who I am today, and for that thank you, but for the rest of the pain you made me feel, I'm never forgiving you-ever.
Love,
Haley.
