Behind The Mask

Chapter 11

Michael’s POV

Do you know the feeling when you put the last piece into a puzzle? Suddenly, you see the entire picture, without any gaps. This is how I feel now. All the quizzing aspects of Anouk’s personality fall into place. She likes me yet she feels guilty about being with me. And it must have been one hell of a trauma for her, in her sweet 16, to see her boyfriend killed like that. It must have happened on that night that her mother told me about – when she came home in the early hours of the morning, silent and acting strangely. There’s nothing strange about what she must have felt like – guilty and heartbroken and grieving.

“Anouk…”

I stand in front of the door not letting her get away. Not now. This is a critical moment and I must handle it right.

“Let me go, Michael…Please….”

I shake my head no.

“I am not letting you spend your life in sadness and guilt. I am not letting a brave, honest, compassionate woman like you escape my grasp. You are far too precious to let you go. I want you to sit down with me and talk to me….open up to me for real. And listen to me.”

“Michael, there’s no point…”

“There is, damn it all! You are not guilty. You are a saint! You are the example of how people should live on this entire planet: loving each other, in peace and harmony, no matter their skin color, religion, nation or language. I see your fears as if they were materialized between us. The ugly demons of hatred, discrimination. And here, in South Africa, was one of the worst instances of how hatred can divide people and bring suffering and death. But you were not guilty. Your boyfriend died doing what any man would do – protect the woman he loves. We men are programmed like that: to protect what we love, even with the price of our life.”

I see tears welling up in her eyes and I reach for her face, touching it lightly with my fingertips.

“You are not responsible for what happened that night. Anouk…you can’t deny yourself true feelings…you can’t deny me because of that. You are fully entitled to be loved by a Black man like me – to be loved to the deepest extent. I won’t let you slip away and cower in guilt. I won’t let you go in the shadow and disappear from my life. I’ll always be here to pull you into the sunshine. It may have been a fancy at the beginning….but I know that right now it is much more. Nooki…I am staying…and I am not giving up on you. You DESERVE to be loved.”

She is shaking her head slightly, but I am not gonna let her leave this room till we clear the air between us, till we sweep all doubts aside.

“Michael, let me go, please. I…I thank you for your words. But I just…I am so conflicted and what with my shitty dad and what he did….I feel on the brink of losing it.”

“You survived a very terrible event in your life…and perhaps you never had true closure for it. Anouk, let me heal your wounds…let me make it better…please. What was then will never come back to haunt you. Please, Nooki. I would be proud to have a girlfriend so brave and dignified like you. I would be honored to introduce you to my family as a tireless fighter for human rights and equality. You are an inspiration for me, Anouk.”

“Michael…you’re so damn obstinate!”

“I am, yes. I never give up. And right here we have something which can be so easily put out of the way…Anouk, you are your own worst enemy. Please…don’t push me away.”

She takes a deep breath and the mask falls again. This time, it doesn’t come back up. I see sadness and loneliness and a craving for affection. If she let me I’d take her in my arms like now and smother her with kisses and tell her how much she means to me.