How Does It Feel? (EVANSTAN)

Chapter 3

hello, hello, hello!! Warnings: Very, very sad angsty shiet ;{ enjoy

I soon found myself in front of Sebastian's apartment, staring at the door. I didn't know weather I should knock or leave. I've probably been standing there like an idiot for at least 15 minutes. I sighed and pulled my fist up, ready to knock, when suddenly the door opened, and in the flesh, was Sebastian Stan. He stopped dead in his tracks when we made eye contact, his breath leaving in a quick second.

He looked all dressed casually, probably going to get his morning coffee.

"Uhhh... C-Chris? Wha-what are you doing here," he asked in a nervous tone, looking me up and down. I shivered at his voice, closing my eyes. Once I opened them again, his eyes weren't at mine, but at my lips. I grinned, an apparent blush crawling up his neck. He looked away and leaned against his door.

"I just wanted to talk," I said, my voice getting low.

He looked at me, staring like he hadn't heard what I said, but then snapped out of it. He nodded and moved aside. It was a small door way, so i had to squeeze through Seb and the door, making it awkward when our chests brushed. He went in after me, closing the door behind him.

We both sat down in the chairs he had in his living room, just staring at each other. I don't even know how to start off the conversation, the tension being so high. Sebastian's eyes were red, his hair made lazily. He honestly looked like shit.

"How have you been?" he asks, tapping his fingers on the table. I gulped and looked at his fingers, contemplating to tell the truth or lie. Let's lie.

"I've been doing fine, i guess you could say," I said, still staring at his fingers, and thinking how amazing they would feel in-

"Yeah, me too," he said, cutting off my dirty thoughts. I felt myself getting horny and I swear, this should be the last place I need to get horny. He noticed my bad state and smiled. I don't know why, but he just smiled. His fingers were going in an off motion, which I'm sure he was doing on purpose, making my OCD kick in.

I grabbed his hand, stopping the tapping noise, the whole apartment falling dead silent. He looked up at me, and I looked into his baby blue eyes. I started moving my fingers along his, sending shivers down his spine. He looked down and pulled his hand away, clenching them in his lap.

"Chris, why the hell are you here?" he said, his voice cracking. I didn't realize till I looked into his eyes that he was crying. Before I knew it, tears started brimming my eyes as well. He looked into his lap, fiddling with his fingers and mumbling under his breath. I got out of my chair, crawling on my knees to his chair.

I got to his lap and took his hands in mine, his eyes with falling tears in them, look into mine. I look deeply and thoughtfully at him and take a breath. I just had to say it.

"Sebastian Stan, I am deeply in love with you. The night we kissed was a night of pain for me, I just didn't know what to do. I felt that I lost my best friend. Ever sine you left, I've been doing horrid things. I-" I started to cringe at what I'm confess, disgust filling my lungs, "I slept with another guy just to get you off my mind, but it never works. You are always in my head... I just.... need to know if I'm always in yours," I finally say, taking a deep breath and looking up at him.

He looked down upon me, confusion, disgust, and tears in his eyes. He pulled his hands away quickly and got up, moving away from me. The pain in my heart only grew when he kicked his wall countless times, yelling and screaming.

"Chris! I don't know who I am anymore! Why can't you just be fucking normal? You- you have my mind all shattered! AGH!" He kept yelling and throwing things, some sobs falling from his lips, making mine grow even bigger. He finally stopped and slid down the wall, holding his knees to his chest while crying.

"Seb-" I tried saying after a few sobs.

"No! Get the fuck out of here!" he yelled, pointing at the door and then putting his head in his knees. I stood up slowly, walking to the door and closing it behind me. I slid my back down the door, covering my hand with my mouth and crying quietly. Jesus. I should just listen to him and try being normal, but I can't. I'm not fucking normal, and I never will be.

Oh God, I'm so sorry my children, this has been painful to write. Thanks for reading and voting! Love yee

-panpan