Dragon Shinobi [NARUTO] [KAKASHIxOC]

Traitorous Deceit

Kakashi sat in his apartment, running a hand over the leather strap of a certain someone's satchel. He mulled over the what ifs. What if he had let her have her satchel when she had asked for it. What if he had better investigated the ANBU that had given Elvinia the "mission". Tsunade had told him she hadn't issued the mission- that she had simply heard Elvinia had left to assist. She was of the sense that Elvinia had done it of her own volition. And Kakashi had fallen for the trickery. He wasn't keen enough, and now someone he had felt responsible for was drowning in a nightmare.

She wasn't as bad as she had originally let on. There was a hard exterior- jaded and slightly fearful. Kakashi knew. He could tell that wasn't the true Elvinia, and he wished he could have finished breaking her shell. Her scars reminded him of his own mistakes. Besides, she was entertaining and amusing- a daily distraction from the normal, depressing thoughts that plagued the Jonin's mind. Not only that, she was intrinsically caring and thoughtful, which was rare even in humans.

Did he really miss her? Without her constant arrogance and domineering attitude, he was finding himself at a loss. Something was slowly eating away at the happiness he had spent so long holding on to. It was his fault. She was in a parlous situation that not only threatened her life, but also the lives in the village. And even though she'd never admit it, if something terrible were to happen to someone of Konoha by her hand, she'd never forgive herself.

He knew. He knew for sure. The crimes of her past obviously haunted her, whether she recalled every detail of what she had done or not. And she held tremendous guilt. Why would anyone uncaring of his or her treacheries ask to be killed after displaying a shockingly emotional array of absolute anguish and despair for the atrocities she had caused? Elvinia was not as impassive as she aspired to appear. She was merely trying to piece her broken self back together without acquiring further damage. And that called for a titanium exterior.

Kakashi could relate to some extent, but he knew thinking on the matter would only deteriorate his process of moving forward, away from the past. That was Elvinia's problem, and he was so close to helping her open up. That was the first step. To open up. Kakashi carried guilt. Oh, did he carry guilt. But he had opened up about it, let it off his chest and found a peace within himself. Granted, it took time and a lot of bad choices along the way. That titanium exterior had guarded him for many years.

Sighing, he removed his headband and let his soft, white hair fall over his forehead. His hand occupied the position of a chair for his chin as he pondered the situation. About an hour back, he had decided to meet what Jonin he could at their usual meeting place after having talked with Tsunade and that Thiavar character. It was the same place Elvinia had so quickly lost herself to sake in. That had been rather amusing, considering the fact she had claimed to never get drunk. He felt empty at the thought that it may never happen again.

Kurenai had been all too ignorant of the recent events, happy and smiling along with the conversation. The news hadn't reached her yet, so Kakashi had made sure to only mention Elvinia. It was anguishing- how tragedy seemed to stick to Kakashi like glue. However, self-pity wasn't his thing. He had come to realize long ago that feeling bad for himself wasn't even commendable let alone helpful, so instead, he worried for Kurenai, Asuma's unborn child, and Elvinia. Oh, Elvinia.

His hands found their way to his mess of hair, pulling and tugging in grief. Without so much as a friend to weep on, he let the tears silently fall without so much as a whimper. The pain gripped his chest like a viper's bite, sending tingles of poisonous guilt and despair through his veins. Drowning in utter depravity, he soon realized that seeing Elvinia's- granted- angry face provided him with a sense of comfort and freedom. It had been so long since he had really connected with anyone, and the last time didn't last long. Now it was happening again. Any and everyone he became attached to slowly faded or suddenly disappeared. His mother. His father. Obito. Rin. Sasuke. . . Elvinia.