Broken Wings [Destiel]

Four

It was summer now, faraway bird calls in the sticky air. It would have been pleasant, if Cas hadn't been forced to run five miles every morning and every night, along with other countless exercises.

It was hell.

The only thing that kept Cas from going home was Dean. Whenever Cas was close to falling down, whenever he almost stopped, Dean grabbed his arm and helped him, no matter what. Even if Crowley screamed in their faces, Dean wouldn't let go.

The thought of it made Cas smile when everybody else was asleep in the barracks. Cas didn't sleep much, but that gave him the chance to think. He thought about everything at night, and usually his thoughts were about Dean. 

It was strange. For years, all Cas' thoughts were about Meg. She was, after all, the only person in his life for a while. Of course, Cas wrote to her every day like he'd promised, but his letters kept getting shorter. His latest had simply said, 'I'm doing great here. Making friends like you said. From, Cas.' He also found himself unable to write the word 'Love'. It just felt wrong. There had been so many sleepless nights that Cas had spent puzzling over how to end his letters. By now, he'd stopped caring.

"Cas, you need to sleep." Dean was sitting on the edge of his bed, his hair a mess. It was one of the nights that Cas was refusing to even lie down. 

Cas shook his head vigorously. "No, I can't Dean. I don't want to sleep." He spoke quietly, to avoid getting hit in the head with a boot. That tended to happen when he spoke too loudly at night. 

His shoulders sinking even lower, Dean looked into Cas' eyes, the clear green searching Cas' blue eyes like a captain searches the sea. "Why don't you sleep?"

That was a question Cas couldn't answer. He opened his mouth several times, trying to think of an answer, but his mind was blank. As long as he could remember, he hadn't slept very much. Not since his father had broken Cas' nose. "Dean, I don't-"

"Listen, Cas. I know something's wrong. I've seen that look in my brother's eyes when something bothers him but he doesn't want to say it. So why won't you tell me?" 

A memory threatened to show its face in Cas' brain, a memory long suppressed and ignored. The reason his father had broken his nose. Cas never thought about it, never wanted to think about it, but with Dean looking into his eyes the way he was, Cas couldn't help it.

9 Years Ago

The door slammed open, shaking the very walls of the house. "I'm home." A barely comprehensible drunken voice bellowed. Cas sat in his room, his knees to his chest. He was shaking, something he usually did when his father got home, but this was different.

"Where are you, monster?" His voice was threatening and harsh. 

Cas didn't say a word. By his father's tone of voice, Cas could tell he knew. Anna had told him, hadn't she. She was the only person Cas had trusted with his secret, but she had been horrified when he told her. She had begged him to let it not be true. 'It's a sin!' She had cried, her cheeks streaming with tears. 'Cas, you have to ignore it! It's a sin!'

He winced as his father's thundering footsteps advanced towards his room. 

'Please, you can't tell anyone, Anna!' Cas had started crying too. He didn't mean it, he wanted to say. It was all a joke! 

But it hadn't been a joke. He wanted to tell someone, anyone, and Anna had said she'd love Cas no matter what. She was his best friend. Until he told her, that is. Then she had gasped and cried and screamed. Exactly the opposite of what he had wanted to happen. He had been hoping, praying that Anna would hug him and tell him it was alright.

That didn't happen.

"Where are you, boy?" The drunken man barked as he kicked open Cas' door. The man was livid, with red eyes like blood. Cas tried not to cry. He knew what was coming.

"Your little friend Anna came to me today, boy." He growled, taking a swig from the flask in his hand. "She told me a little secret." 

Cas cowered on his bed, wanting to sink into the wall his back was pressed up against. 

"Is it true?"

Cas still didn't say anything. The man stalked forward, his eyes fiery. Soon, he was close enough to smell the whiskey on his breath. "Is," he grabbed Cas' left shoulder. "It," Next came Cas' right. "TRUE?" In one swift movement, he brought up his knee and forced Cas' head downward.

The two made contact with a sickening crunch.

Cas shook himself with a violent shudder. After the incident, Cas had worked as hard as he could ignored it. He had found Meg, convinced himself she was right for him. But she had never seemed right. No girl ever seemed legitimate.

He'd told himself that Meg was right for him, that he'd misjudged himself. But Cas had never been able to shake the feeling of misplacement, like a fish out of water. Meg was never right. No girl was.

As he sat, gripping the thin mattress like his life depended on it, with Dean looking into his eyes the way he was, Cas couldn't stop himself. A tear slid down his cheek, and he swiped it away as fast as he could, hoping Dean wouldn't notice. 

But Dean had noticed. His face clearly showed that he was concerned, and he was getting more so by the second. "Cas, what's wrong?" He reached over and grabbed Cas' arm. It wasn't an angry sort of thing, more comforting. A strange warmth spread through Cas.

After a moment, Cas managed a smile. "Nothing." he said as reassuringly as possible. "I'm just homesick."

Dean didn't believe him. Cas knew it. "Sure, Cas. That'll be true when you sprout wings and start flying around like a bird." With one last worried look in Cas' direction, he swung his legs up onto his bed and rolled over so his back was to Cas.

Cas sighed. He'd almost told Dean, almost. But after what happened with Anna, he couldn't. He wouldn't tell anybody, not for his whole life. He would marry Meg and try to be happy or die in the war.

Cas repeated Dean's actions, lying down and propping up his head a little with his arm, staring at the ceiling. As he drifted off, he thought about Meg. Would he ever tell her? Should he ever tell her?

His eyes began to close, his last thought of Meg floating away. All he saw as he fell asleep was the pure, perfect green of Dean's eyes.

YES! FOURTH CHAPTER! My brain has been telling me all day that I need to work on this. It's actually kind of annoying. The weirdest part is that it's all in Mr. Fizzle's voice. Am I crazy? I probably am.

Annnnnyway, I really hope you liked this chapter (idk how good it actually is I just like it for some reason) :) :) :)

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