It's late, it's just about after 1 o'clock in the morning. Today was his mothers birthday and we wanted to take her out. You know, make her feel good, get her out the house. I know a lot been on her mind and she's been stressing and a lot been going on. So I felt it was a good idea to participate and put a smile on her face. We got dressed up and went to Red Lobster, and went to 3rd ward and just kind of stand around and had a good conversation. It was a pretty good night until it started to drizzle. So when the rain started we all headed home.
Me and my ex had been going back and forth for what feels like forever. And just the day before we had both decided we was gone go our separate ways. No more fucking around, no more working it out. It hurtled me to say that, but I knew in my heart I needed to make that decision for me. So he brought over another female, known as his side piece. At least that's what he called her. I always chuckled to self and asked, who the hell is comfortable being a side piece. Well that's what she wants to be. That's what she gets.
I thought he was gone continue out the idea. I was tired and thought I would be sleeping alone that night, but nope. I had company. He had brought his lil happy ass back there to the room with me. I stood in the dark with this confused look on my face. "What is this nigga doing?" I asked myself while I rolled my eyes to the very far back of my head. I was just like fuck it. I'm tipsy, I'm tired, and its cold. I about to lay down and go to sleep. I knew then if I laid my head on that pillow, I would not be going to work. "I don't wanna leave you alone, I wanna work it out." I stopped what I was doing and breathed in deeply. I turn around, "What?" It's amazing how fast I had just caught an attitude with this nigga. What the f*ck did he just say too me? Are you serious?mAfter you done brought that triflin ass bitch in this house again? After we already discussed this? What is up with this nigga? Swore he was a free man, and here his ass go. Crawling right back to me. Shaking my damn head.
"I don't wanna leave you. Like I don't wanna leave you alone. I wanna work it out. Like, tonight made me feel different. I don't know. I guess cause we really don't do a lot of stuff together." He said too me. I changed my clothes and was about to lay down, but he sat up and pulled me towards him, and we faced each other. "Really? We already talked about this. You always wanna realize some shit when its too late. You showed me something different when you brought ya bitch in here again." I'm sitting here thinking trying calm myself down. I had balled up my fist ready to punch him in his mouth if he said something else dumb to me. I swear this nigga is so predictive. I already be knowing he gone come back. I be trying to move on and do me and shit. And here he goes. Popping his lil ass back up again.
"Like I know babe. I know I be fucking up. But like you the only one I know that can put up with my bullshit. Like for real, I don't know how you do it. Like you my bitch, like MY BITCH. My wife. I know you'll always care and have my back. I know you don't believe me and have a hard time trusting me. But for real babe, I'm serious. We got a lot of time into this. I know I do shit you don't like, and you've done some things that I don't like. But its cool. Everything's mainly my fault though." He said to me. I just sat there in tears. I swear all this is like deja vu'. I'm tired of hearing the same shit over and over again. "How are things going to be different this time? Do you know how many times these words have left your mouth? You haven't changed not a damn thing, and its almost been a year. And what have you done differently? Besides adding more and more bullshit to this situation? I'm not really trying to hear no sob story from you. I need to see some action. Cause yours don't mean not a damn thang to me anymore. Ain't nothing you can say is going to make me believe you!" I said angrily. The tears were hot rolling down my face. I having another melt down. I don't know how much I can take. I'm just tired of the same shit. Ive done all that I can to try and make our relationship work. And all he did was knock me down. I don't remember that last time I was truly happy with him.
"I don't know what it is about you. But I know you're tired of hearing me say this. But I really do love you. I never thought you'd make me commit to you." He said. I sat there. And I looked him dead in his eyes. "Commit? To me?" "Do you even know what commitment means? Commitment is not just only fucking one person. Commitment is not telling a person you love them everyday. When you commit, you stop ALL the bullshit. Which means your shouldn't be asking these bitches for naked pictures. I shouldn't be sending pictures. You shouldn't be flirting with these bitches. Entertaining these bitches. Stop putting them before me. Give me my fucking credit for being with you through all this bullshit. You don't continuously lie to someone you want to commit too. You don't still cheat on someone you want to commit to. Commitment is serious. So don't say you're going to commit to me. Your mind is the furthest thing from commitment. How you gone do that? You don't even know how to be a man! How many... You know what!? This conversation is over. This is too much. I'm going to bed. Goodnight!" I said as I turned over crying. This nigga really don't know what he's done to me mentally and emotionally. I know Ive completely lost all of my marbles.
"But baby.." "I said Goodnight. I don't wanna talk about it no more tonight." I said last before I finally closed my eyes. Going to bed hurt. Is the worst feeling.
