Ever Since New York

ONE | the seven dwarfs

     LOVE IS A FUNNY THING. Not funny in ways of humour – most of the time – but in ways of uncertainty. Much like when you go to a sporting event and you place all your hopes on that one group of people or a certain individual without the reassurance that they are positively going to be coming in first place. Everybody everyday places their hopes in someone; not knowing for sure if they are coming back home to you later that night but solely trusting that they are because everything you believe in tells you that they will.

     You can love your father. Love the way he sings to you when he's putting the egg he had just fried on your plate in the morning. The way he buffs his chest up and crosses his arms whenever you bring any boy home. The way he asks "who?" when you tell him that your best friend of seven years is coming over for dinner.

     You can love your pet. Love the way they fumble over themselves when chasing after a ball. The way they sit at the door patiently awaiting your return. The way they sprawl across you lap when the want a scratch.

     You can even love your job. Love the way you wake up every morning to go out and make a difference. The way Terry, your colleague, always makes you laugh. The way, that even though you are dying to get home for a glass of wine, you leave with a smile on your face because you know this was what you were meant to do.

     And then, you can be in love.

     The misconception about love is that saying 'love is blind' because it's not. It's not being unable to see your partners flaws and qualities but rather understanding them because love isn't affection towards the things you adore about the person but rather seeing every little flaw about them – from their scar that cuts through their eyebrow causing no hair to grow back to the way they lock themselves in their room because they're not ready to talk - and understanding them. Loving without expectations is being able to love someone even when they let you down, loving someone without expectations is fully knowing they aren't perfect, but neither are you. What is love if it's not unconditional?

     Sometimes we tell ourselves that we are in love, but it's not love - not unless you are willing to sacrifice.

     That's why Eli had to get on that flight. That is what she had been telling herself the whole hour-long journey to the airport. 

     She had graduated exactly two hours ago and was now standing outside the entrance of the airport with her gown and mortarboard still on and everything she owned stuffed in her bulging suitcase that she was trailing behind her. After four years of studying, working, sleeping and more studying, Eli had finally finished her degree. She had thought about staying; staying with her friends and everyone she had grown to know. Four years is a long time, long enough to build a life for yourself. However, she knew that she had been there for too long. She needed to go home.

     Flying had never quite been Eli's thing. Ever since she was young she had always been uneasy when on a plane. Whether it was the height that unsettled her or the fact that she was in a caged box with hundreds of people for a certain amount of time was unsure but she was always sure to bring tablets and comforts to calm her down. While she was checking in, she popped in her first sweet, a chewy sweet that she would be sucking on for a while, calming her nerves and distracting her from throwing up in front of everyone - something she had engraved in her brain that would happen if she dared to open her mouth.

     People were staring her down as she paced her way through the large building with her gown flowing behind her as she ran to security as quickly as possible. The only thing worse than the flight: missing the flight.

     Eli fiddled with her graduation gown as she took it off and stuffed it into her backpack. She silently hoped her diploma was in there as well knowing that it would set her off even more if she had forgotten it.