Dear Beloved,
If my opinion matters so little, why tell me things about you and your life? Why debase my feelings in such a manner as to seem to inquire after my opinion then dash them, dash me as if we meant nothing. And perhaps to you, I mean nothing. As you have said before," Your opinion doesnt matter much.", "I dont care about you." and "Your presence changes nothing." Perhaps it is because, to me your opinion was once synonymous with the gospel and your presence invaded all of my senses. Because I once couldnt enter a room without looking for you, or spend a waking moment without thinking of you.
But alas, I realize that you were most comfortable in a room without me and didnt spare me a passing glance, unless it served your interests. Though this is through no fault of your own, and reflecting I realize, now also through no fault of my own. I now understood that I asked of you, what I was unable to give to myself.
Does it please you when you are able to make others cower at your arrogance? Feel small and unimportant in your wake? Perhaps it is through your own insecurities and fears that you are able to disregard others feelings so effortlessly. However, as I write I realize that I am beginning to sound as you did when you came to me to complain, to gloat to receive validation. And I allowed it. Because I couldnt imagine saying no or stop or grow up to the face that occupied my dreams.
Do not mistake this as a letter of contempt and whining, but instead as a wake up call and as a labour of love. There is someone out there who feels for you. And because I will not reveal their name, that makes it easier to make one last request :I beseech you, treat others munificently. Love with your whole heart. Be it your significant other or your friends. Grow compassion and empathy. Disregard contempt and apathy. Be aware of others, for you dont exist as a gift to humanity. But as an extension of humanity. Be wary of jealousy and gossip. Understand that you have rare gifts, but remain vigilantly humble. Perhaps - god willing- you will learn these virtues with age and experience.
As for me, I thank you. You have taught me that forgiveness comes at a cost and that we must always live with an open and compassionate heart. You have taught me that suffering in silence, and remaining passive are not the only means to maintain a friendship. I thank you for teaching me that forgiveness benefits no one if the one who wrongs knows not his sin. As they say, Some people come into your life for a reason, some a season, and some a lifetime. However long it was, be thankful for the gifts you received from them. However, the revelations that I have made in this letter will not lessen that ache in my chest nor do they mean that I feel for you less, but they do help me realise that we all deserve to be respected and shown love and we should run for the hills if we are not. Lastly, again. Thanks.
Forever in your debt,
Released.
