I touched the cold ceramic counter in the bathroom and let my tears fall onto it. I listened intently to the dripping sound coming from the shiny faucet. In there, I thought about how I would ever get over my mom. I knew that I shouldn't have thought that it was my entire fault but I couldn't stop forcing myself to think that. I cried until the part of the counter below my face was flooded in saltwater from my swollen eyes. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My black dress (not so amazing anymore) reminding me that my mother was dead and the mascara I had put on earlier had dripped, drenching underneath my eyes in black. I looked horrible. But that wasn't what I cared about. I cared about how I would walk out there and stare at a dead body.
My delicate fingers held on to a smooth, beige paper towel and moved it towards the black on my face. I wiped it off feeling the pattern of the paper towel itch my skin. I wiped my eyes with my sweaty palms and ran out of the bright room before I could turn back.
When I came back out my father was nowhere insight. I guessed he was already gone with Tara and I pushed myself to the front of the line. My hands started to shake and then my body started to sweat. I could feel terror rage throughout my body. A girl from my mom's work, Clarissa, pushed me to the casket. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she tried out a smile on me. A flood of tears dripped of my face two at a time. Whenever I blinked, a waterfall formed and splashed to the carpeted floor. I took one step forwards and gazed down at my mom. A drip of water from my eyes hit her face and I started all over again. Shaking continuously. My hand caressed her face and wiped the tear away. I leaned into Clarissa and she comforted me by giving me a long hug.
"It's okay, honey" I could hear her soft voice vibrate in my ear and I thought of how much she sounded and acted like my mother.
No words came out of my mouth. I laid my hand on top off my mom's and kneeled next to her casket. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for everything I had done to her and to be able to see her for the last time. But most of all I wished that I could of blown out the candle. Aggravated and weak, my body sunk to the hard, grey carpet and my left hand balled up into a fist. Angry at myself, I slammed my fist to the carpet, hoping that I would stop crying. I just got madder though. I crawled to a chair not caring how silly I looked. My hands slipped when they tried to push my body up to sit on the wooden chair. I fell and decided to stay on the warm carpet.
Tears poured out of my eyes and soon enough I was half asleep and everyone was gone. I had stopped crying without even knowing and I felt stuffy. An old man with light grey hair in a janitor's suit walked up to me.
"hello" he said in a monotone voice. "did your mother die?" I didn't bother to answer and instead shook my head.
"would you like me to drive you to the burial site or..." he didn't finish his sentence. "I know how you feel darling" he had a comforting voice although his tone did not change. "My mom died young too and I thought it was totally my fault. Turns out it wasn't, along the road I figured out that it was her time to die. If you did the right thing she still would of died somehow... it was just her time." He shrugged and walked away as if nothing had happened. He made me feel a little bit better. Someone actually knew how I felt.
"Thank you sir" I said as pleasantly as I could. The man slowly turned his fat body and in return, replied, "Your welcome" he winked at me as he turned around and I got to my feet. I had a small boost of strength in me and I felt that I could get over my mom.
I awoke the next day to sunshine and a rainbow. I decided that I would go for a drive and go to the pet store. Despite the depression in my mind, I skipped to my closet (I had moved my new clothes into my room the night before.) and pulled out some jean Capri's and a light blue v-neck to complete my outfit. I ran to the kitchen and cut up some Swiss cheese. I shoved it in my mouth and went off to my Jeep. I left my sleeping dad and Tara a note stating where I was off to and not to worry about me.
After ten, long minutes of driving, I parked in a small parking lot. I looked up to see the sign of the store. It had pictures of dogs, hamsters, parrots and cats. In the centre of the animals was the words MR.RONNIE'S PETS. I opened the glass door and heard the bell chime to note that I was in the store. My I inhaled through my nose and the smell of dog food came in. I walked up to the hamster section and inspected them one by one. I noticed a cute, fat one with carmel hair. The small animal looked at me and it's eyes widened. I wanted him and he wanted me. The sign stuck to the cage by tape told me that she was a girl and that she was ten dollars.
Even though no one was in the store, I ran to the counter, dodging the obstacles in my way.
"Can you open the hamster cage for me?" I panted from the race I had had with myself.
"Absolutely" he answered with his white teeth shining.
When I got the chance to look at the kid at the counter I noticed how beautiful he was. He had baby blue eyes that sparkled (noticeably) his chin was smooth and rounded. You could tell he was fit even when he had a shirt on. His hair was blonde and spiked with gel. His teeth sparkled and it sent a shiver through my body. He wore a plain white T-shirt that fit him nicely. His outfit was finished with some faded, blue jeans.
"Are you coming?" he asked. Interrupting me from how beautiful he was. I stared at him with my head tilted. My head snapped back and I followed him in silence to the hamster.
His hands cupped together to make a "nest" for my soon to be pet and strode to the front.
"Do you have everything for the hamster?" his calm, raspy voice echoed through me.
"Huh?" I asked in return. "I mean... what kind of things?" he gave me a puzzled look.
"Umm..." he said slowly. "the cage, food, water... excetera"
"Oh... sorry, no I don't" I frowned. I really wanted that hamster. It would help me get over my depression a little bit.
"Tell you what. I'll make you a deal. You come back here tomorrow at one o'clock and I'll have everything ready for you. Actually no, I'll bring it to your house. Home delivery" I had know idea why he would do that and be that kind and I knew he didn't either by the look on his face afterward but I shrugged anyway and accepted. I wrote my address down with a black ink pen he had given me.
"Thank you uh..." I said before I turned away not knowing his name.
"Oh, yes, my name is Drew. Drew Shallows" I liked his name and said it in my head a couple times. He waved goodbye and I walked out of the store. The chime of the bell leaving each of us in our own silence.
