Sleep; sleepless

*4

It is during this kind of time when my bed become so uncomfortable. I feel like I'm sleeping on a hard yet cold cement floor; hurting my back very much.

Like a lost kid I explore every inch of my room. I walk in it as if it was never mine. Without enough light sources,  I hit the corner of my study table; sometime my toe hit the side of the sofa that was placed in front of the screen that is showing videos which I don't remember when it was recorded; sometime I sit on the sofa and just watch the videos but I can remember non of it; sometime I just causally sit on the floor and look all over the room---- from the ceiling, to the bed, the closet and again to the screen.  Funny how I can remember part of but not another part of it. Is this really mine or not? I don't know and won't get the specific answer.

I'm tired but can't sleep. I close my eyes but it just won't shut. Without any other choices, I grab the bottle and take the blue in it.

One but it does not enough.
Two, I cover the time but it passes
Three, I'm breathing but don't know either I'm alive or not.
Four, I'm living between the reality and dream---more to nightmare.

Its a nightmare that always bother me; a nightmare I can't get out from. You are fading away further and further from me. I'm waking up alone without you by my side. I'm walking but only see my footprints. I have no shoulder to lean on. You replace me. Just like a building without any support, I collapse and leave the remaining pieces of my heart. That night, the darkness being so rude, he swallow me up and spit me out like I was nothing.