I hate that feeling where you know you're not supposed to feel mad or sad but you are mad or sad but you can't tell anyone or anything and it sucks because you have to keep all these stupid, stupid feelings in..... Yup thats exactly how I feel right now I mean they were friends wayyy before me and him were friends and I shouldnt be mad and I'm not mad I'm perfectly okie I guess but hes acting like something wrong with me even though there isn't! I'm perfectly fine! Okie maybe I'm not I mean I dont know... Maybe It's me who is secretly jealous I mean calling every day is our thing..... Okie that's it I'm totally am jealous but thing is how do you get unjealous fucking.... LIFE SHOULD BE A FUCKING FAIRYTALE! SO I CAN HAVE A FAIRY GODMOTHER TELL ME WHO TO BE WITH AND JUST HELP ME! and I know what you're probably thinking you're probably like ohhhh that wouldn't be much fun you know you have to go through life and blah blah blah blah well two things one life sucks and two LIFE IS FULL OF HEARTBREAK AND FUCKING EVERYTHING FULL OF CRYING AND FUCK FUCK FUCK NOW IM CRYING AND I SHOULDNT BE CRYING BECAUSE WTF AM I CRYING FOR JUST FUCK LIFE AND I WANNA TAKE A WALK BUT I CANT AND I DONT EVEN KNOW IF MY EMOTIONS ARE TRUE OR IF THERE HORMONES OR WHAT AND I SHOULDNT BE CRYING WHY AM I CRYING JUST FUCK EVERYTHING JUST FUCK FUCK FUCK! We were on call and.... its not his fault...... i mean its not and I basically took all my emotions out on him without saying anything really I mean were friends.. I believe that when you have a strong relationship you are friends before anything else that means you can talk to them and you can explain to them whats up with you and everything..... I believe that even if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend I believe that its friends.... You have to be able to tell them things and not just the happy things but the everythings.... or the every things.. the sadness the anger you have to be able to express it when you're in a relationship I mean thats how they work or they keep working right? With communication....... and trust and all of the above I mean thats how I see it..... I mean I dont know what I'm doing with my life and I wanna graduate early I dont know if that's just me running from high school or if that's me just actually wanting to get started with my career if its me running..... I hope I stop and catch a breath and just figure out what the hell I want in this messed up thing I call a life and if I actually want to do this.... I just hope I know what I'm doing because in the end the only one that is going to get hurt is me and only me..... not anyone else it wont affect anyone... just me..... Even when everything feels sucky life still goes on people still get up for work and have children and do normal stuff the world doesn't stop for us and it never will... I guess some people need to realize that... that the world doesn't revolve around us and that this isn't some super hero movie where you can stop and start time whenever you want to even though that would be cool as fuck you can't... Time and everyone will just keep going on and on without even caring.... And I guess that's where you come in because you have to care.... you have to care about yourself because in the end youre the only one who will you should put yourself first because theres only one you and only you can make you.. you I guess lol.... and now I'm cold lol..... If you're reading this I'm sorry for dragging you into my messed up world I call a life.... I'll probably keep dragging you into it because there's a lot more to say and tell... But I'll tell later if you wanna here... Goodnight reader.
