♦Alcoholic♦{Discontinued}

~Chapter1~

Jin came home, his face pale as he was feeling weak, the medication he took finally wearing off. He sighed while collapsing on the couch, too weak and tired to make dinner. 'Namjoon will kill me.' He thought while groaning in annoyance. He sighed while trying to get up from the couch yet he was spurred into a fit of coughing. He couldn't stop coughing until a couple minutes later as he looked down at his hand to see blood. In horror he walked to the kitchen, washing the blood from his hand till he collapsed on the floor, curled up silently weeping out of fear and anguish. Why him? Why was he doomed to be in a failed relationship, to love someone who only loves a bottle and some syringes? Why was he to feel all this pain, to live through it only to find out he had a year or two years left of life. He cried out louder as his chest tensed up. Why him? Why? He was so young, barely experiencing the things life had to offer. He was promised a good life for he got countless scholarships for university and studied hard and did well in everything he did. It wasn't fair... He was sad yet he accepted his fate for he couldn't change anything. He was sick, and would remain sick, until the day he's release his final breath.
Namjoon got back home really late but he was drunk as always as he knocked loudly on the door with his fist and the other hand on his head , it was aching terribly so he couldn't just stand there.
"YAAAH!! KIM SEOKJIN OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!" .
He yelled as his knocks got louder each time , his mind was mixed between his boyfriend , alcohol , drugs and a lot of other problems , he loved Jin ...he loved him oh so much but he couldn't let go of alcohol he was alcoholic.. And each time he got back at home drunk and broke some plates or some glass , or even abused his lover he would feel bad , he knew alcohol was not good nor was it the solution to his problems, but he couldn't stop...
Jin sniffled and got up from the floor, wiping his tears. He slowly walked to the door, mostly out of fear for Namjoon was banging on it. Namjoon was significantly bigger than Jin, they were the same height but Jin was smaller and more frail than him especially now that he was sick and loosing weight because of the chemo. He'd gotten skinnier, paler, his eyes accumulated bags, and he just didn't look healthy. The only think not affected was his hair and was so thankful it was okay. "I'm on my way Joon." He said in a raspy tired voice as he unlocked the door, and preparing himself for a hit.
N amjoon , whom gotten inside the house a little ago ,was angry as he punched the glass table making it shatter everywhere and making his fist bleed looked at Jin .
''How could you do this to me Jin...I thought you loved me Jin WHY JIN TELL ME WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LIE TO ME?!".
Namjoon yelled as he shook his boyfriend's shoulders sometimes holding him tight or just shaking him , Namjoon's eyes became red as salty hot tears ran down his cheeks wetting the upper side of the oldest's shirt.
"Tell me why..why kim seok jin
.....why..I loved you I always did..
I am so sorry for being an alcoholic.. Sorry for abusing you..sorry for being a complete fucking idiot..
Please forgive me Jin...but
....why... Why?! Just ....tell me..." He said holding him tightly getting some blood from his fist on his shirt.
Jin started tearing up when Namjoon broke the glass table, the loud noise causing him to flinch. He was shaking while Namjoon grabbed and shook him violently, he was sure he'd pass out or he'd throw up from the movement. "Lied about what?" He asked, trying to sound loud yet it didn't seem to come out right. "I do love you Namjoon." He started crying out of fear since Namjoon smelled of alcohol and appeared drunk since that was the only time he'd abuse Jin. "I didn't lie... I swear to you i didn't lie." He didn't bring up being sick to Namjoon nor did he show any symptoms around him and would hide it. "Tell you what Namjoon? Please just talk to me... I've forgiven you long ago... I can't hold anything against you... Never..."
Namjoon started crying harder clinging onto the oldest's shirt.
"Your illness... You lied to me...the doctor told me...why..why Jin...why..I just can't imagine you dead...I could never see your sweet face...I can never see your dark eyes...I can never hold you in my arms...it's all my fault..I am sorry Kim SeokJin..I am sorry I caused you harm ..I am sorry I loved you..my love only brought you harm..and sickness...please just..why do you even love me?...I abuse you..I'm alcoholic... I am just the worst person ever...and now my boyfriend is gonna die...cause of me..Jin I am so sorry..".
Namjoon held him so tight to his chest , he couldn't let go of him..he wanted to be with him forever" Please forgive me..I will change...I will do my best to make your last years the best that you ever lived...I am sorry Jin...I am sorry.." Namjoon held on him tighter."I am sorry..."
"I couldn't tell you... You'd get mad... A-and I'd get hurt again... And I just couldn't tell you... I just couldn't." Jin whispered while the tears accumulated till they were slowly falling. He hugged Namjoon tightly while starting to cry along with his lover. "It's not your fault... I-it's not your fault N-namjoon... Your love d-didn't give me this... It's genetics... I could n-never escape it a-anyways i'm so sorry." He said while sobbing on Namjoon. He's cried so many times already and didnt know how he still had tears but he did and he couldn't help them from falling... They just fell and fell and fell while he started shaking in the man's arms.
" N-No Jin..you can't die...no...please tell me it's just s nightmare and I'll wake up soon...No...Jin..I can't let go of you....Jin...I am sorry ...I just can't believe that you'll leave me alone...please...Jin ..I love you..".
Namjoon cried looking deeply into his lover's eyes with tears dripping down his , now , red eyes he held Jin's thin pale hands tightly.
"Jin..I promise you..I won't drink anymore..I will find a job..work..and spend most of my time with you..I want you to...at least have a good better image of me...before... You...No! You won't die Jin... You won't die...you won't.." He repeated his voice cracking.
Jin shook his head, he knew it  was already too late. He was on borrowed time as is and didnt know how to tell Namjoon. "I'm sorry Namjoon... I'm so sorry..." Jin repeated while shaking his head. No matter what anyone did Jin was to die, painfully at that. No matter how many pills, how many therapies he'd undergo Jin would still die, would still waste away till nothing was left. "It's real... They gave me a year... Two if i'm lucky... Joonie i've always loved you and i'll still love you, no matter your faults... You're my first and last love no matter how many hits, shouts, scars, no matter what Joonie... I still love you, nothing will change that..."
Namjoon cupped Jin's wet cheeks wiping away the tears and sealing their lips with a sweet reassuring kiss as his lips met the oldest's soft ones 
"Jin..I know the doctors said you only have 1 or 2 years to live...but if you wouldn't mind...and you're willing on to pass them with me ..."
He looked at him deeply in the eyes.
"Jin...I know I've made countless mistakes and...I hurt you so bad no one could ever do and cause you as much damage  ... But I love you Jin...and that's why...I am asking this.... Will you pass your last years with me...will you let me make you happy again...
Will you let me love you more than anything else....would you trust me...
Will you ....Marry me Kim Seok Jin ?" .
Namjoon asked tears in the eyes hands still on Jin's wet , hot cheeks..
Jin's eyes closed as they shared that sweet kiss. He felt like crying again  as Namjoon spoke, his chest constricting. Namjoon was asking for something Jin already wanted. Even if Namjoon never found out he'd spend the last year or so of his life with Namjoon, no matter what happened he'd spend them with him and no one else. Tears finally ran down his face when Namjoon proposed he wanted to say yes, wanted to jump into the mans arms and scream out yes but through the shock he simply nodded his head while crying tears of happiness. "I will Kim Namjoon. I'd be honored to marry you." He hugged Namjoon tightly, sobbing into the man's shirt..

A.N
//this is my first fanfic ever so...;-; yeah sorry if it sucked.
Anyways I hope you still enjoyed it though ^u^
I don't know when I could update thus but..I'll do it once I find time :3//