Do you Hate Me? (Hunter x Hunter One-Shot)

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the HxH franchise sadly :(

...
It's times like these when the former assassin missed spending time with his best friend the most. He sat with his childish companion on their hotel bed as Gon recounted the entirety of the past year they spent apart after saying goodbye.

"And the trees- they were so tall, Killua! I swear, the tallest I've ever seen! We should go back and climb them!" The white haired boy nodded, finding himself smiling, really smiling at his friend's enthusiasm.

"Of course! And I'll beat you as always!" He snickered as Gon pouted, a fiery determination in his eyes.

"You don't always beat me!"

"Yes I do!" Killua flicked Gon's forehead, erupting with laughter. Gon pouted again before laughing as well.

And suddenly Killua felt as if he were twelve again. As if he were on one of his many adventures with his best friend- looking for Ging, Greed Island, helping their friends. It didn't matter what they were doing. What mattered was that he was back with his friend, his light.

In truth, the past year without Gon had been especially hard on him. Sure, he had Alluka. He loved her dearly and was grateful for her company. But something in his life was severely lacking. The adventures, pillow fights, bickering, Nen training. In short, his adorable sister just wasn't Gon. He found himself staying up at night, holding his beetle phone, reasoning with himself whether or not to call his best friend. More often than not he forced himself to put the phone down, not wanting to be a bother or to seem clingy. But Gon was his first and only true friend so he had no experience with how to deal with situations like this. Sometimes he would call and when his friend would pick up, he'd pretend that he'd accidentally called- as not to sound needy. Still, he was fairly certain Gon saw past this and knew how much he cared for him. The boy was oblivious, but not that oblivious.

But sitting here with the boy with the bright brown eyes, shining with that ever-present light, Killua could almost pretend that the past year hadn't happened. Almost. It almost seemed like they had never separated. As if Gon had decided not to meet Ging. That he was perfectly content by Killua's side. Where they could protect Alluka together, meeting up with Leorio and Kurapika and their other friends from time to time. It almost seemed like that.

"Ne, Killua?" Gon tilted his head to the side, smiling the smile that let Killua know that he was about to suggest a new adventure for the two to go on.

"Yeah?" Killua leaned back, resting his weight on his hands as he sat.

"What do you wanna do tomorrow? Do you wanna explore? I've never been here before so you should show me around! Are there any cool places to check out?" There he goes, spouting off whatever questions pop into his head. Killua found himself smiling a smile that he decided was only ever for Gon.

"Sure, we can go check out this cave I found awhile back! Alluka wouldn't go because it was dirty." Killua made a face as if he was disgusted and Gon laughed hard.

"It sounds like fun! I can't wait! Tomorrow's going to be a great day, huh Killua?"

"Yeah," The white haired boy smiled, "It'll be our first adventure in a long time." Gon nodded, smiling back. Of course, the boy hadn't stopped smiling in the past few hours he'd been there.

After hours of watching cartoons and poking fun at each other, throwing pillows at each other and playing childish games of slaps and rock-paper-scissors, Killua stretched and yawned.

"We should probably get some sleep if we wanna be up early to go exploring." The boy in front of him pouted.

"Awh, but Killua! I'm not tired!" Killua rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at him, easily being caught.

"You're never tired, stupid. But if you don't sleep soon you'll be a zombie tomorrow and are gonna complain the whole way." He pulled back the blanket and arranged his pillow. The other boy pouted but did the same with his side of the bed before getting in. All the time muttering about how "not tired" he was. Killua smiled, shaking his head. "You're going to pass out in like five minutes. And don't even deny it."

"Nu uh!"

"Yeah huh!" Killua turned out the light, getting under the covers and turning so his back was to his friend. "Do what you want but I'm getting some sleep. Good night."

He closed his eyes, the smile still present on his face. He felt content again, as if just being near his friend was enough to keep him alive and breathing. He truly couldn't wait for many more adventures with him. As he started to drift off, he noticed that his friend hadn't budged.

"Gon? You awake?" He asked with his back still facing him. He was met with silence, causing him to frown. "Come on, you didn't seriously pass out that quickly, did you?" He felt him shift next to him.

"Ne, Killua? Can I ask you something?" Gon asked the boy, unusually quiet. Killua tensed but nodded.

"Sure. What's up?"

"Do you hate me?" Killua was taken aback by the question.

"Why would you think that?" He really didn't understand what would bring something like that up all of a sudden. After all, they were best friends. If anything, Killua cared too much. Now he's being questioned whether he hated his friend?

"Because you left." Killua blinked still facing the wall.

"I needed to keep Alluka safe."

"We could have kept her safe together!" The boy flinched at Gon's sudden anger. "You didn't have to leave. We could have stayed together. So why?" Killua felt his eyes burn a bit, a warning of oncoming tears.

"Gon..."

"What did I do wrong, Killua? I know...I know I hurt you after Kite died and when I fought Pitou. But friends are supposed to work through things like that. So why did you have to leave? Why couldn't we stay together?" The burning got worse and Killua found he couldn't look at his friend no matter how hard he tried to.

"I just couldn't...But now we're together. So that doesn't matter! We're friends and we won't ever leave each other again!" Killua grew desperate to make Gon see. To make him see how wrong he was.

"Killua... you never answered me. Do you hate me?" Gon's voice sounded so broken that Killua couldn't force words to leave his mouth.

After what seemed like hours of dead silence in the darkness of the hotel room, Killua whispered his answer, the tears finally gliding down his cheeks.

"No, Gon... I don't hate you." The boy finally turned to face his friend, seeing the side of the bed completely made and empty- no evidence of Gon. "I hate myself. For not staying. For not being able to save you."

Killua laid in bed, knowing that tomorrow would not hold a new adventure for him. They would not be exploring a cave or climbing trees. He would be traveling back to Whale Island to attend his friend's funeral and to say a final goodbye, knowing that he would never have the chance to tell him what their adventures meant to him- what his friendship meant to him.

"I don't hate you, Gon. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."